Doing the Same Things Over and Over

A former Mary Kay sales director shared this with me this weekend. She was purging some Mary Kay stuff and found this entry in her personal journal. This was almost 10 years ago, and she finally left Mary Kay last year.

How sad that she probably could have written the exact same thing in her journal right before she finally left MK last year.

4/15/98:

The Lord is revealing certain things that must be let go or laid down.

I have been under the false perception that if I buy designer clothes, drive the right kind of cars or live in the premier neighborhood– I will be accepted.  The pain, hurt and insecurity will be covered up, no one will see it and– perhaps, I’ll grow numb to the feelings, thoughts and insecurities.

It has become the vicious lie that the enemy uses most.  A true compromise of my character because I basically live a lie– painting on a smile while turmoil erupts inside.  I can run from it no longer.  It has been the demon that has driven me straight into debt and the force that holds me back from being all that God wants me to be– because I am such a LIAR!

Today I begin a habit of laying these hurts, pains and insecurities before the Lord–trusting Him to bring forth fruit that will remain and perhaps help someone else who is struggling with the same.”

She also included the following in her note to me about this journal entry:

Pretty revealing, huh?  Oh that Pink Truth had existed then, because this was the time that I was being attacked by a sales director (whose relative was recruited into my unit) and her NSD.  In addition, my offspring was struggling and charged a customer’s card with a $1,000 order.  I did not know of this until the customer called me and asked me to help her out with resolving the issue.

And all the while, I’m listening to “Deserve Level” tapes, developing a “Life Print” booklet (i.e. goal book to look at daily)  and thinking that this is just another tactic of self-sabotage.

How many current Mary Kay sales directors are in a similar position? Running on the hamster wheel and not knowing how to get off? Many, I surmise.