How Do Women Get Sucked Into Mary Kay? Why Do They Stay?
Written by SuzyQ
OK, so here’s the thing…
So many people ask the question… how do women get sucked into MK and why do they stay?
Easy. Most of us do not get the recognition we crave in our everyday lives. No one applauds when we clean out the fridge, clean and folded clothes are magically delivered into drawers by the clothes fairy, and food and shelter are provided respectively by the food and shelter fairies.
So, we go to a meeting and we are applauded because we are new… we get applause when we have a “good skin care class” and make “$125/hr… the applause continues as we start to recruit, go to events and get standing “O’s” for “sales” or recruiting. The women who fuss over us are over-dressed with too much make-up, BUT they fuss over us and make us feel good. We want what they seem to have. The directors seem poised and well-off, the people in the red jackets seem happy and kind and we just want that.
We want what they appear to have.
I mean really, I could not remember the last time a room full of women clapped for me— had a room full of women EVER clapped for me? I have been a nurse and/or therapist all of my professional life. The only praise from supervisors I ever received was praise by omission, meaning that if I wasn’t being “counseled” or “talked to, “ I was doing OK. No one had ever praised me for doing well. And these women are lovin’ on me like I was the second coming. Heady stuff.
The process of getting into MK is slow and seductive. The saying goes something to the effect that you get into MK and then MK gets into you. This is accurate. We are very carefully and very slowly taught that MK is the way and anything to the contrary is to be avoided. I am not a stupid woman. I have several advanced degrees and years of real world experience under my belt. But I fell for the bullshit. Hook, line and sinker. Were there red flags and areas of concern? Absolutely! Did I question things? Of course. And were they answered appropriately? No. I was told to avoid negativity and let nothing mess up my dream. Oh, and to take God as my business partner.
Know why this whole thing works??? It’s not rocket science. It’s a little faux Christianity thrown in with a whole lot of guilt, self doubt and blame, coupled with recognition and rewards. We are taught to believe those who perform at seminar with their last minute miracles are telling the truth. Really? Recruits at midnight on June 30th? Really? Orders at midnight on June 30th? People wait until midnight to order? I am in bed at midnight, but maybe that’s just me. I didn’t believe enough. I didn’t work hard enough. My deserve level wasn’t high enough. Whatever the reason, it’s obviously my fault.
It has taken me years to come to terms to what happened to me in MK. And what I did to others as a director. The lies about the necessity of having product on the shelf, the ability to make an executive income with part time hours, the ability to sell the product, trying to spin the product changes as a good thing, and the idiotic statement that “The product on your shelf is your ATM and recruits are your retirement.”
I suppose the bottom line is the need for all of us to support each of us so that the stupid recognition that MK gives is no longer necessary… The price MK recognition extracts is too great and is false. Anyone can buy whatever it is they think they need… Have you heard the one about nsd’s achieving their goals because they helped so many others achieve their goals? You know that’s not true don’t you? YOU, the “downline” are making the house payments on their McMansions every time you order. Dual marketing? Seriously? It is called multi-level marketing with up and down lines and golly gee, you are in the thick of it. You do not own your business, you can not sell your business; you are not a “business woman.” You ARE an independent contractor and as such, have no rights. Really. You are on a treadmill that will devastate your soul and your financial security and your self esteem.
Mary Kay is not the answer. I think it’s ironic that kaybots call this site satanic when the reality is that MK is the demonic one. PT is restorative. MK kills the soul slowly and methodically with smoke and sequins. Smart women get sucked in because we have credit and need validation. The validation from MK is false, and will cost you more than you can bee-lieve. Unless you exploit other women, you will never succeed in MK. Is this what you want as your legacy?
One more thing… how DO the nationals sleep at night? Denial?
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Comments (26)
notintopink
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It’s ironic, isn’t it? It’s like being the man in the abused relationship; the profit in a cult. The very thing these women are seeking, recognition, is actually the last thing these deceptive leaders want you to gain. They want to keep you submissive. They want to keep control. Until the victims can look in the mirror and realize they don’t need praise from anyone, other than themselves, this vicious cycle will continue. From abusive men to cult leaders to MLM’s. It’s why we’ll always have domestic violence. Why we will continue to hear of cults that people join that do unfathomable things to themselves and others. It’s the needlessly preying upon weak people that will never end. The only positive, there are laws to protect the victims from domestic violence. The government will step up if a cult gets out of control and people are being harmed, ie, David Koresh, the Guyana Tragedy, Charles Manson. As great as this blog is, it will never end the cycle. It’s like going to a domestic violence meeting and speaking to abused women. It won’t stop them from returning to an abusive relationship. The only way to end this is for someone to step up and put an end to MLM’s and their schemes. There are laws against businesses that operate under a Deceptive Trade Practice, but I understand how big MK is.
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raisinberry
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You can end MLM and similar schemes when women (and men) recover from whatever childhood abuse created their particular soul wound. Yea, tall order.
To the extent that a person is comfortable living with and in denial, that will contribute to how long they stay in cult-land. Equally, to the extent their self esteem is dependent on others rather than their own self concept, they will stay in cult land. Codependency is nearly epidemic in America, because we have generational alcoholism, drug abuse, violence, sexual abuse, all the “isms” like workaholism and compulsivity driving the dysfunction of our primary relationships. Without authentic loving relationships built on honesty and self awareness, sick people attract and marry sick people and raise sick children, who do not trust themselves, their judgement, and defer to others. Living a life of pretense to survive traumatic conditions is a perfect set up for the world of MLM. Think how “normal” that would appear to a Director who waves her pom poms at the Unit meeting while they are turning off her electricity, with her cards maxxed out, yet telling all the wannabees how great her life is.
The land of pink is pretense on steroids. And worse, it turns victimized women into victimizers.
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enorth
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“…yet telling all the wannabees how great her life is.”
I’ve never been in MK; however, I did notice how many MK women post, “I love my life” or similar phrases on their web page and/or Facebook page.
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ttp
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Yeah, they say that to convince themselves. Just like everything else in Mary Kay, the happiness is not real.
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Christy E. Bell
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Thank God I never had the credit to do Mary Kay the “right” way!!
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raisinberry
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And just now- take a moment, and pray for the next “victim”. Because the “doing mary kay the right way” is the new mantra of the emotionally obsessed. They write us off by saying we had “bad Directors”. This is to minimize our testimonies. This is to neutralize this website. The hope is that the key prospects, properly warned and indoctrinated will not entertain our “non-sense”. THEY are doing “Mary Kay the right way”. There is no right way. The system, its processes and hierarchy, are destined to make victims out of the casual wanderer who entertained a hope or desire to change her life.
To Lurkers: We have authentically warned you with the distress and trauma of our lives. You can do what you want, I guess.
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Mimi
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My friend was soooo excited after each Monday meeting because “they all applauded for me and every time I turn around, I get another charm for my bracelet. Now my director says I’m on target for _________.”
Mary Kay validated her and gave her the attention she was craving. I’m guessing it all seemed so glamorous too, especially because she cleaned houses for a living prior to MK.
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freshoutofpink
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“Mary Kay gave her the attention she was craving. I’m guessing it all seemed so glamorous too, especially because she cleaned houses for a living prior to MK.”
This comment really struck a cord with me because at recruiting interviews I used to ask, “when was the last time anyone thanked you for cleaning the toilet or doing the dishes?” We were taught to make the prospect feel like she would get the praise that was missing in her life and it would be sweet.
Attention is the hook. I’m ashamed that it was the primary tool I used for getting a woman to sign up. As I entered recovery for my own deep personal wounds, I started to abhore that it seemed the only way to do it. Lord knows I couldn’t impress a prospect by flat out telling the truth about my business debt, car co-pay, stress level, or any of the other things that were truth in my life as a Sales Director.
Stepping out of the denial and getting emotionally healthy is the only way to battle the monster of Mary Kay.
Looking into the pink bubble now, I have saddness for the average women who are still there doing the deed for corporate. As raisinberry said, all are varying degrees of sick and all are in denial. It’s a flaming mess with corporate and the NSDs laughing all the way to the bank.
By the way Mimi, I guarantee cleaning houses makes more money for your friend than Mary Kay ever will. And, it’s an honest job!
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exIBC78
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I wish someone would ask me that now, because I get thanked every day for the meals I make, the cleaning I do, and the folded and hung up laundry. I get thanked with a sweet little meow when I open that can and put out fresh water. I get more love from my little family then MK ever gave me.
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TRACY
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To bad applause doesn’t pay the bills. We all do things we never get thanked for. Why? Because that’s life. I live alone and I have to clean my house and no one thanks me. Big deal. I have pride in myself and my house, simply for having done it. If you find the right job/career for yourself, you will be appreciated and you will get thanks (even if it is not spoken every day or every week). You will also have pride in your work, and that feeling is priceless.
How many MK directors really feel good about themselves after getting the false praise from MK? Oh sure, it feels good to prance on stage for a day or two. And then reality hits – - the reality that you make your living from preying on the weaknesses of other women, that your commission check is based on whether women order products they will never sell, that you can never tell the whole truth or you’d never recruit anyone, that your credit cards are maxed out and you have no prospects for stopping the cycle of debt….
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IWASGULLIBLE
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Well I want to applaud the many women who contribute to this site. It takes guts to come out of a bad situation and even more guts to try and help others. In spite of the ridicule, put downs and lies you continue to tell the truth. You tell the truth at the risk of being misunderstood.
I APPLAUD YOU AND THANK YOU.
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IWASGULLIBLE
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Oh another thng…I was watching this progarm about people living in the space station. One who had been there said that it is very confusing at first. Your inner ear is messed up because your eyes tell you one thing and your body is saying something else. The inner ear cannot adjust so it shuts down. I thnk it may be the same with MK. The longer you are in it the more reason shuts down.
Then the astronaut said that when you return to earth it takes a while to adjust to gravity. Your inner ear has to activate again. One person asked that no one touch them for a while because it caused them to be unbalanced. It may be the same with those coming out of MK. One must readjust to reality. At first one may not be able to relate to others or trust anyone until the “pink fog” has completely cleared.
We humans are very adaptable…unfortunately we can adapt to just about anything. Survival? Maybe…Recognizing and overcoming the bad in life may be key…creating and enjoying that which is truly good…is an ongoing discovery.
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katie
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Can I ask why your SO AGAINST Mary Kay? It just interests me
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MLM Radar Detector
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Katie,
Welcome to Pink Truth. I think you’ll find the answer to your question if you just keep reading. But here’s a good place to get a fast start: Mary Kay Truths http://www.pinktruth.com/welcome/mary-kay-truths/
This site deals a lot with the psychological side of Mary Kay: why women join, why they get more deeply involved, and why they stay with the company pursuing a dream that always stays just beyond their grasp. But there are hard numbers and unhappy financial facts behind the psychology. Those hard facts say that nearly all women do not get the financial success they were promised would come so easily. Most actually lose money, some lose tens of thousands of dollars pursuing the Mary Kay dream. Those few who do achieve financial success do not get their money by collecting profits from sales to customers, but by profiting off of recruits by persuading them to “invest” large sums of money in a dream which has very little chance of ever coming true.
And that’s why we’re SO AGAINST Mary Kay. I hope this site interests you enough to keep reading.
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exIBC78
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Can I ask how you found this website?
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Trigger
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I really resent anyone who comes on here with the same basic one-liner question: “What do you have against MK (or any other mlm biz?”) Seriously? That’s like asking ‘what do you have against Hitler or Mussolini, or Stalin’? Educate yourself, for crying out loud.
Are they too lazy to do the research? I can’t believe how many times the awesome contributors to this blog answer the same questions (quite definitively, I might add) without blowing a gasket.
Lurkers, this is for you. If you are too lazy spend a significant amount of time reading the incredible material on this blog, you will never make it in MK.
I can tell you, I have quoted this blog many many times; and I give out the web address at every opportunity. I endeavor to do this with much thought and tact. No one likes to be bludgeoned , even with the truth.
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Howie
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Go to AA and ask what they have against alcohol
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MK Consultants are CRAZY
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I was sucked into having a “facial” party just the other weekend. I have never regretted something so much in my life. The consultant will NOT stop calling and texting me, to the point where I have returned the products I purchased and am just waiting for my refund – once I get that I am BLOCKING her. She is nuts. I talked her on the phone for “20 Minutes” which really turned into almost 45 – I told her FOUR times that I was not interested in selling MK. What was her response? To tell me the story of a “poor immigrant Cuban woman who cleaned houses for a living…and she wanted something more with her life so she started to sell MK products. She is now making over $100,000/year and bought her dream home just 4 months after starting”. I, fortunately have a business degree, which i think to some extent, has helped me take a careful step back to realize that it is too good to be true. I LOVE THIS website – everything that the MK consultant said to me about the company is on here…Christian founded…blah blah blah…its all BS to say the least!
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Sue
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OMG! I became a MK independent consultant Dec. 23, 2011, and just found this website today while watching MK videos on You Tube, and reading comments, someone suggested this website. Am I ever glad I checked it out! Thank God I didn’t order inventory or get the credit card! Something told me not to do it, and buy product on an “as needed” basis. I did have my business debut at the end of January, and made enough profit to pay for what I ordered for myself and my “inventory.” I was pressured into having a “facial Party” on December 15 to help the consultant meet her goal, and pressured into submitting my debut order on January 31, once again, to help the consultant with her goals. And now I keep getting emails to sign up for the conference.
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Trigger
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Sue;
Just say, “No.” The end. You owe noone anything. Can you imagine buying a can of hair spray at Wal-Mart and then having to contend with the cashier for the rest of your life calling and texting you to work at Wal-Mart and sell hair spray like her? We’d be livid and endeavor to never shop there again.
No one like to be hassled. The renewed effort by ALL mlms to recruit is sickening.
I now love to go into a store, buy something, and leave. My heart feels light as I head back to my car, cuz’ now my only mission is to finish the rest of my day/evening on my job/family. No mlm calls to have to make, no hostess to have to try to re-pump up, no begging recruits to order one for the team (you know, the old Gipper!), no paperwork to have to work on, no parties to have to beg the hostess to close (for gosh sakes – it’s been 3 weeks), no packing and repacking my showcase, and on and on and never-endingly on.
If you stay caught up in this, take a hard look at your biz at tax time. That will tell the true story. Money talks big time.
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Lostafriend
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I stumbled on this website when my childhood friend of 40 years told me she was joining MK 2 weeks ago..I of course was a bit skeptical to say the least and decided to do some investigating on my own about the fabulous MK. It seems to me alot like a cult. She called me yesterday to say she was going to be near my house in 2 weeks for an MK rah-rah event and and asked if I could gather a few of my closest friends up here for a free “”facial” party. She hasn’t been to my house in over 10 years and the one night she wants to comes over (after the rally on saturday ) she wants to peddle her wares. I told her my friends wouldn’t be interested and she gave me some shpeel about it’s for charity and blah-blah-blah. Still I said no lets just go get a nice dinner…Also I told her that I had a facial last week and it took an hour and 1/2 so I don’t know how she can call what she does in 15 minutes a “facial”..does she just wipe their face with a wet-nap? I think she is in for alot of heartache and loss of money ….
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Cshanor
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I was going to have a meeting with an MK director about selling MK but now I am a little skeptical! I ran into her at a “facial” party that i “won” through david’s bridal recently so i went with my sister and it was decent i suppose. She did talk up working for the company a lot and brought up the free car thing and i was interested because im a stay at home mom and i get very bored so i was going to do it just to have something to do throughout the week but now im second guessing it! is it just all a scheme?
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Lazy Gardens
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It’s a scheme … first of all, it’s not a “free car”. It’s a leased car they let you use, somethi8mes for free. To get the use of the car, you have to recruit a lot of women who ORDER a lot of stuff. And they have to order a lot EVERY MONTH or you end up paying part of all of the cost of the lease.
That’s called a co-pay and she’ll never voluntarily tell you about it.
That’s just the start of the scamming and scheming. Keep reading this site.
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TRACY
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And so the lies begin. You didn’t “win” anything. Everyone “wins” the free “facial.” And it’s not a facial, it’s you washing your own face. How does it make you feel that your FIRST interaction with this woman was based on a lie?
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Shanice
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OMG!!!! I have had this exact thought as I’m holding a “Free Pampering Facial”…it’s actually YOU washing YOUR OWN face!!!!!I use to feel so bad because most women are expecting you to give them a REAL facial. It’s only when you whip out that mirror and place it in front of them with a cloth and cleanser does it all sink in…it’s so not right!
So many lies & decit. This list could go on and on….
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Tigger
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Rome is burning and k-bots are selling the dream? Seiously?
We are on the verge of a global meltdown and mlms act like it’s business as usual – recruiting like there is no tomorrow (no pun intended.)
Does no one watch the news?
They just found 23 bodies (some missing their heads) on our border. Headless bodies are being found not far from where I live. This is serious shit. We watch illegals cross through our yard (they use our spigot for water and then just leave it run – it can run for days/weeks before a neighbor alerts us that we are flooding their yard.)
My neighbors houses are being broken into and lived in by illegals as they make their way north. They walk past me while I’m at the atm and stare me down. Unnerving? You have no idea.
So, let’s have some girlfriend time and put on makeup? Gag
Trying to get to work a few months ago, I had to slam on my brakes to avoid those damn ows protesters as they bloked the street. Road rage? Oh, yeah. I wanted to mow them down. How dare they block my way to work so I can pay taxes so they can sit on their asses and collect ‘free’ money?
Did I mention Rome is burning?
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