The Mary Kay Snare of Shame

Written by Raisinberry

BUT I CAN’T GET OUT. The practically supernatural deception that keeps you repeating your mistakes and locked in fear.

In my opinion, we have been seduced by a power bigger than we can even imagine. And in order to prevent it from happening again, and to hopefully help in the de-fogging process, a walk down memory lane might offer some clarity.

When we first walked through the doors, we did feel the awkward environment… didn’t we? We felt the possibility of being pressed into or cornered into making a decision to join. But the environment was so benign it seemed. So harmless. Girls just wanna have fun. These women already knew how to do something. They acted like they would continue on whether we wanted to join or not. These women had it mapped out. The way was clear. All we had to do was follow. All we had to do was follow.

Some of us are born rugged individualists. We rejected the compliance required to do it “the Mary Kay way,” but the results were what we wanted. Rugged Individualists usually want to be in charge. We had to shut down our normal discernment and analysis to continue up the career path because, “Analysis is paralysis” we were told. Do not THINK about your MK business – just “DO.”

We figured out early that recruiting created more activity than skin care classes.Nine times out of ten we hated booking the class but loved holding them. Center stage for us! When we had to start pretending that we had better results that we actually did, we ignored the twinge of conscience for the lie we told. (In your own personal business, who will actually find out if you did something or you didn’t? It’s more motivational to tell the impacting story- than the truth.) After all anything is possible, and every Director you ever saw said exactly the same things.

Some of us are born supporters. We are the “come alongside people” and are the grease in the wheel. We handle the details, and usually all we want is a little recognition and comeraderie. We recognized that we were getting credit for sales and being accepted by the Big Girl Directors by achieving accolades at Star Events and moving up the Career Path. We wanted the sweaters, the jumpsuits, the T-shirts that made us a part of the gang. We wanted to belong. Since following along is built into our wiring, following along it will be! The first time the Directors gossiped about each other, our image was shattered. We had them high on the pedestal and knew they didn’t do any of that stuff. When a Director quit, her reputation was tarnished. We would never want that in a million years – especially not after having worked so hard to get “in” the club.

Some of us are born naive. We first wondered why we were listed in the top ten in our unit after one month in, because our wholesale order was doubled as if we actually sold it. It didn’t matter really… and actually it was kind of nice to be at the top. We wondered why though, that long time consultants were so far down. We saw that the Director said one thing about weekly sales averages, but nobody in the Unit stood up very much for $500 weeks. Many times, when she called out for a $300 week in sales, nobody was standing. Then there were all these people listed in the newsletter that you never saw, met, or heard from. You were told they were in different parts of the country. Then you saw recruits under your Director’s name, who never came to meeting. Over and over you saw the strange scenarios that didn’t square with what you were told. Being naive, you are probably a loyal person… a trusting person. All kinds of buzzers were going off and you ignored them. Surely your Director would not do anything underhanded or false. Every training class told you to listen to your Director. She knew more. She knew how. Trust her. Follow her.

Some of us were wired for critical thinking. Right off the bat, we did the math. Sometimes our pathetic little units were embarrassing. We didn’t want to bring guests and have them think we had 6 Unit members. We saw the big paychecks of the Nationals and couldn’t help but realize how limited our own Director was. We knew we could do a better job. All the froo froo antics were just silly. This career apparently had a big pay out at the end of the journey and it was worth pursuing, even if it was frustrating trying to get answers and “how-to’s”. Somebody had to know “how to.” The best plan would be to head for Director yourself and get out of “what’s her fluff’s” Unit. Believing in printed media verification on earnings, you grudgingly make a mental assent to follow your Directors assignments in order to get out of her Unit asap. You aren’t following her…but you are still following.

How could so many personalities arrive at the same spent conclusion to the journey? Mary Kay’s entire power over us is a deep seeded desire to have a way mapped out, in which all we have to do is follow. For every personality, for every level of ability, the discomfort and insecurity of uncertainty is what we fight against. We want to control the odds. We want to know our outcomes. Following the Lead Sheep who appear to have what we want is a powerful pull that requires us to relax in a kind of self denial, placing all trust into whoever is shepherding. When the shepherd dresses up like The Shepherd of our Souls, or claims to at least be honoring HIM, the deception is all the more sweet. The message to follow whatever your Director says, she leading you where you want to go, is a comfort and deception not foreign to this world.

By making you dissatisfied with the life you have, dangling the trinkets of wealth, prestige and importance, deluding you into thinking your were building something independent and strong with Godly principles, while also causing you to omit details, lie or hide your activity from significant family members, and having to face the fact that 99% of it was fraud, is a humiliation that the average sheep can not handle. It drops you free falling, out of control, into the only hands that can truly rescue you. The real Shepherd. The one that wants to display for you the difference between the counterfeit and the true. You have been controlled by shame. The counterfeit shepherd requires you to hide in shame, embarrassed by your past decisions, endlessly trying to get yourself out of the jackpot you are in, so no one can find out you weren’t entirely honest. You are trapped. You fear. But now, you know too much to continue to follow the counterfeit. You are being drawn back to this site because the truth is resonating in your heart. The problem becomes, can you stop following the illusion of security, station and importance, for the unknowns

I recognize not everyone cares what the Bible says, but there are some very telling words that offer us a clear look into the world in which we live. Second Corinthians 11:14 warns us that our Adversary is disguised as an apostle of Chris – a messenger of Light. Grasping that, He isn’t in a bar, teaching Buddism or selling Arbonne. “He” is dressed as a godly , trustworthy shepherd, making you feel dissatisfied with your life and encouraging you to strive, follow the riches, prestige and importance of personal significance in this world, rationalizing any means to get there. We can be offended by being called sheep, or we can realize that since following is what sheep do… who we follow becomes the critical component. Following becomes our greatest weakness‚ or our greatest strength. It is quite possible that our adversary uses this incredible gift to our destruction. Following the true shepherd will never cause you to deceive, omit, distort or deny the truth of your life. If you do these things – guess who you are following? It is NEVER too late to follow what is truth, and turn “following” into your greatest strength.


  1. Cindylu

    The first unit meeting was odd. It got worst as the 2 DIQ’s failed. No one it seemed were making any sales. At my perfect start, I barely made any sales but i was praised anyway. There was no go give in my unit because my SD and NSD were cold, narcissistic selfish women. At seminar the cult meter antenna went way up. All those NSD I stories about rags to riches seemed off. On our way home on a bus a couple of directors stated they were quitting. Then a few weeks later the products changed. I immediately knew it was done on purpose. So much for caring about women. Every time I heard the phrase dual marketing I wondered. MK is an mlm and pyramid scheme. I worried about Amway. I wasn’t aware that most female dominated home sales companies were mlm. Women being exploited for 5 decades. It’s time for this financial abuse to end. The more directors and IBC’s that leave the better.

    1. BestDecision

      My Sr Director has now been a Director for 20 years, yet she hasn’t earned a penny of Social Security since then, has no benefits, and is in the same spot she was over a decade ago when I finished DIQ. In corporate America, most people would be frustrated and looking for a new job if they’d worked over a decade without a promotion. She’s getting closer to retirement age, which means she won’t be eligible for NSD retirement benefits if she doesn’t debut by then.

      All that work for what? Nothing to show for it. If her husband is laid off, she has nothing to support her family as far as benefits. She has this month’s commission check and that’s it. No idea how much her next one will be, no idea if she’ll get her bonuses or not, and no idea how much her car payments might be.

      Add to that and the chronic stress I witnessed with my own eyes, and it’s a losing battle. Yet these women still “sell the sizzle” of how excited they are, how “awesome” everything is, and how they’re “living the dream”. No, more like “living WITH a dream”!

  2. raisinberry

    Cindylu- you are so right. This is nothing more than a marketing scheme…and they hope to hell no body finds out…because the interdependent structure REVEALS a web of pressure brought to bear, so that Area achievers stay the course/don’t rock the boat/keep recruiting.

    My NSD had NO RESPONSE to my Direct Question regarding this charge.
    They all depend on New Recruits buying New Inventory packages, to make production. This is the nugget of truth that supercedes inventory training nonsense


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