Hilarious Tips For Enjoying Seminar

Written by The Scribbler

Listen; can you hear it? The pumping beat of a hot mix tape designed to motivate, energize, and get you hopping around on your high heels like a stork trying to do the Lindy Hop.

“Rock you Like A Hurricane?” Uh-uh…no WAY! That song was my prom theme – me being here must be a divine act! In fact, paying off the $1,000 + charges I’m going to accumulate from this event is going to TAKE a divine act. Excuse me, waiter? I’ll have what that director on the floor over there is having.

Seminar is on the horizon! Are you ready? Whatever your answer is, you aren’t TRULY ready until you take a gander at these handy Seminar tips courtesy of NSD Pamela Shaw. She’s absolutely got YOUR needs in mind, young padawan learners; so purge thyself of all uncleanliness and come sit at her feet! Hey, you in the back – remove your close-toed shoes; the place on which you stand is holy ground! Now let’s get it ON!

1. “Stay in company hotels. If the EVENT IS IN YOUR CITY, STILL stay in a Company hotel. Driving back and forth from your home keeps you ½ in the Conference and ½ in your home life and responsibility. There is NO WAY you can have an effective ‘thought shift’ or FULL Experience that way.”

You’re kidding, right? Let’s see here…choices, choices…

– Sleep under a foreign, crowded, and overpriced roof in a sagging hotel bed that everyone from the local Mafia boss to Cinnamon the stripper has done business in.

– Sleep under a familiar, cozy, and best of all, FREE roof in my own comfy bed, where – chances are – any business it has witnessed doesn’t fall under headings listed in the Dallas police blotter.

(Although my director said I needed to throw my husband a bone once in a while to make him LOVE my business…)

2. Attend ALL classes, ALL General Sessions, Individual Education Classes. ALL. You’d be hard pressed to find a Million $ Director or NSD who skipped—ever. Certainly not after she made the decision to grow and advance her organization.

I love how Pam whips out the guilt whammy right off of the bat; the tone reminds me of Ms. Almira Gulch from the “Wizard of Oz”:

“Tsk! Now Sally, you’d best be at every class at Seminar! I’ve never heard of ANY NSD who’s ever skipped – well, certainly not one who’s made the choice to grow her business! (clears throat, sniffles) Now get back outside and bang those erasers together or it’ll be the Dunce cap for you again tomorrow.”

Look, if I paid over $1,000 to get to Seminar, you can darn well bet I am going to spend that time as I please and you should, too! As my momma used to say, “Honey, if she ain’t payin’ your rent, she can howl all she wants – it don’t mean a thing to you.”

So, (ahem) is Pam Shaw paying YOUR way to Seminar? No? Then go see Dallas, for crying out loud! Six Flags is the bomb, the Dallas Museum of Art is relaxing, and come on, does Mary Kay really care whether or not you go to her museum? I guarantee your business and how you run it is the LAST thing on her mind right now!

Part two of this comment involves a bit of medical terminology, so if you were on target to become a medical professional before Mary Kay ripped that dream from your arms and replaced it with the Dream of NSD-dom, you’ll love this. Why, it might even inspire you to pursure that dream once again!

“Headache, tiredness, sore feet, interview, shopping, first time in a great city—never an excuse. If Mary Kay herself attended Seminar with Shingles, I can press through my personal discomfort.”

Okay, add this one to the “Now I Officially Know Too Much” file.

Shingles is an infection courtesy of the herpes zoster virus. Symptoms, to name a few, include pain/extreme sensitivity in a certain part of the body, a red rash with fluid-filled blisters that begins a few days after the pain; fever, upset stomach, and chills. This virus can be passed to anyone who hasn’t had chickenpox via contact of any open sores the Shingles sufferer has on their body.

Now again, let’s use a bit of common sense, here. NO event on the planet is worth killing yourself over. It reminds me of the scene in the movie, “The Ten Commandments where Charlton Heston (as Moses) says regarding the Hebrew slaves, “Cities are built with bricks. The strong make many, the starving make few, the dead make none.”

Any company that insists that you attend one of their events while disregarding your personal condition and/or needs does NOT have your best interests in mind! For the sake of your roommates and the women who will be seated around you, if you are SICK, you have no business being at Seminar! Stay HOME and do it without a twinge of guilt!!

6 Comments

  1. BestDecision

    Best way to make your NSD and Director’s heads explode: Once you’ve registered, don’t show up. Instead of buying your airfare, wait and then just don’t go. They’ll be looking for you all over the place AND will consumed by frustration that you dared not go.

    Directors count on Seminar to give our unit production a major boost. There’s always a dip in July and August, but the expo at Seminar showing the Fall/Holiday products gives us more production in September. Every time! We counted on someone wanting their Red Jacket, their car, and then to obsess over the new Director suit.

    Dallas is already hitting 95 degrees, and there’s still 2 weeks left until Seminar. I’m not at all missing those scratchy, hot suits. The hot, smelly bathrooms at the convention center. Having to be “on” 24/7. Having to hide truths from smart unit members who pick up on the scent of something unethical or bad happening. Walking in heels. The nasty assembly-line food at the lunches. The egos walking around, strutting their fake net incomes. I miss none of it!

  2. Enorth

    Along with not showing up, wait until they’re at seminar to call for your return form.

    Makes me think of a woman near me who strugglesd to debut as SD at seminar. When I saw the photo of her waving from on stage, there were lots of empty seats in the background in the arena. Lots.
    Her SD status lasted barely a year. She is now IBC. I wonder if she has that photo hanging on her wall.

  3. Cindylu

    Here’s a tip. Just don’t go to Seminar. Use the money you save for a real vacation with those (who really love and care about you). Your family and friends. Quit MK while your Director is gone. Also I stayed with a relative 2nd and last time round. I only went because MK herself was there. Being a very demanding task master, she was chastising some of her original multi millionaire NSD’s for slacking of and not running their business 24/7. (right from the stage). I’m sure MK had NO clue just how sick and tired the average hostess was of mlm scheme. No women from the 1980’s onward wanted or need the bogus facial or the even more ridiculous home party. I overheard directors debating as to whether MK had gone for a face lift. Considering her wig, her over the top 1940’s make up and the way her own family turned out, giving advice to anyone was presumptuous. Yes MK became a billionaire. However, in the process husbands and children were sacrificed. The NSD’s learned that women were numbers to be used. Sugar coating it as helping and empowering women was a narcissists way of manipulating others around her into never disagreeing with her.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *