More Hilarious Tips for Enjoying Seminar

Written by The Scribbler

Welcome back! I promised you the next two points of Pam Shaw’s Seminar tips, and by golly, here they are for you to enjoy!

3. “Pack runner’s band aids (second skin) and keep other essentials stored in your Travel Bag. Sewing kit, goo gone, jewelry cleaner, nail color and top cote, file, scissors, Always include eye-mask, calming solution, visine, X-Em. Night cream, foot treatment cream, febreeze, jewelry cleaner in your travel bags.”

Oh for crying out loud. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen ¾ of these things on TSA’s do-not-pack list, somewhere in between the blasting caps and the meat cleavers. Do you realize the horror that would occur if a plane carrying a load of consultants to Dallas pulled its best lawn-dart impression? The resulting fireball would have enough raw materials to shine for months.

Dovetailing on the aforementioned carnage, we’ll check out the last point. Hang on, Sloopy, this one’s a doozy!

4. “DRESS TO FLY. Why?

A. Mary Kay herself asked you to.

B. You are the Mary Kay IMAGE to everyone in the airport and hotel as they FIRST come in contact with you.

C. You’ll feel FIRST CLASS. (Note: “And by “first class” Pam means you’ll feel as if you’ve just given Thomas the Tank Engine a piggyback ride from the Dallas Metro all the way to say, Abilene.”)

First off, can we stop with the guilt courtesy of the dearly departed, already? You may be sitting there reading this and going, “Oh GOD, you are SO insensitive – God bless Mary Kay’s humble soul – such disrespect! Such GALL; now get off of my lawn!”

Ladies, hear my heart, okay? When someone dies, no amount of homage, celebration, or ritual is going to bring them back unless you’re a Voodoo sorceress and you’ve got a Masters in Undead Theory. People spend so much time entrenched in the affairs of the dead – heck, even Christ said, “Let the dead bury the dead.” I’m not trying to minimize loss of a loved one, nor am I saying that one cannot reflect on the things an individual did or said. What I AM saying is for an individual to so heavily engage in what is idol worship in its purest form is an very unhealthy thing for both mind and soul.

Mary Kay Ash is not peering at you from some faraway place, shaking her head and muttering, “Look at Red Jacket Anderson over there. She flew to Dallas in sweats and sneakers. Nope. No eternal salvation for you, honey; but I’ll be merciful. If you sell $1,000 a week for the rest of your life, you’ll then you’ll be entered into a drawing to receive eternal life after you die, so you better get cracking, sweet cheeks. That roll-up bag isn’t going to sell itself.” Mary Kay Corporate simply loves to use the ol’ “Mary Kay is God’s Special Envoy” concept as a manipulation tool, so don’t you fall for it, girlfriend.

Let’s talk about the whole “dress to fly” concept. For Mary Kay women, this typically means wearing full business gear from top to toe: blouse, suit jacket, skirt, hose, pumps; fully done makeup and hair.

Flying in pantyhose is a bad idea on several fronts. I recently mentioned Mary Kay’s “dress to fly” policy to a jet mechanic with 17 years of experience under his reflective safety belt.

“That’s insane,” he spat. “One crisis involving the use of the inflatable escape slide and those women would all be screwed. The heat generated from someone whooshing down that slide in pantyhose would cause an intense amount of friction; enough friction to potentially MELT them.”

A Road and Travel magazine article entitled, “Just in Case: What to Wear for Air Travel” by Courtney Caldwell also backs up our jet mechanic’s experience: “Avoid wearing nylons or panty hose when flying. Nylon attracts heat and burns very easily. In some cases in can melt to your skin. If you must fly in business attire, then wear socks and sneakers for the flight portion and change into your heels and nylons in the rest room at the airport.”

Be safe and smart, ladies- wear sweats and sneakers and carry your business attire with you in a carry-on.

“But what will people think?” you may ask. “I’d be projecting an unprofessional image if I did that!”

In all my treks through airports (I’m a 10-year Air Force vet), I have never had an urge to curtsy and offer gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to a woman in a business suit because she “looked sharp.” On the flip side, I have never looked at a woman in sweats and thought, “What an unprofessional slob SHE is.” Quite frankly, nobody gives a flying leap regarding how you look in an airport environment. How you smell, maybe, especially if you’re going to be sitting next to me on the plane. But certainly not how you look.

In the eyes of the general public, “dressing to fly” means dressing comfortably. Even in the Air Force we were never required to wear a Class A uniform (full dress blues) while flying unless it was either on a non-commercial flight or a flight to one’s next duty station. After 9/11, however, I’m betting that rule is all but extinct.

Unlike uniforms easily recognizable to the general public, such as military battle-dress uniforms, most of the population has no clue what Mary Kay attire stands for, be it a certain color scarf or the trim on a director suit. Other than your name tag, you are nothing more than a business woman in a suit, period. I have never looked at a fully-garbed Mary Kay woman in an airport and gone, “Wow, how sharp – I need a Starter Kit pronto!” My thoughts were more along the lines of most air travelers:

“Sonofabiscuit, they changed the gate from A4 to Z13 on me AGAIN – Good Lord, high heels in O’Hare? Is that woman insane? Her feet are going to be the size of toilet lids by the end of the day! Crud – I just missed the shuttle by 2 seconds. And speaking of toilet lids, I’m starving; I better go get me a lukewarm soft pretzel before I pee my pants. Hey, look – another homeless guy – ‘sup dawg?”

There you have it, friends. Helpful hints and handy tips from your thoughtful uplines.

Here’s MY tip for you. Make THIS the year that you use the money you were going to spend on Seminar on a vacation with your family. Mary Kay doesn’t need any more of your money, time, or self-sacrifice. Your family does.

13 Comments

  1. BestDecision

    Dressing in a suit and heels for MK travel sucked so big. Miserable! I understand that we were representing the brand everywhere we went, but the world is different now versus 1963. Security, delayed flights, shorter layovers, tighter seating on the plane. Men don’t wear 3-piece suits in airports, so why should we? A woman in nice black slacks and a sweater is professional until she is on stage or presenting herself in the business.

    Shall we talk about how unprofessional Miss Pam’s Seminar gowns are??

      1. BestDecision

        For Pam Shaw to constantly lecture us about our image and she shows up in THAT, it’s a perfect example of how hypocritical she is. Tasteless and somewhat trampy considering she’s 58 years old. That skin, though. Ain’t no amount of TimeWise gonna help that!

      2. Azrael Rose

        Hooooooooly LOL, that dress. I’m 20 years younger than Pam and I wouldn’t be caught dead in that dress. Then again, I wouldn’t be caught dead in MK but I’m a cynical, skeptical “loser” that has regularly unfollowed/hidden people on Facebook until they get over their Jamberry/LLR/Younique/It Works! obsession and stop mass-inviting me to parties.

        Her makeup isn’t completely awful, at least it’s “natural” instead of High School Cheerleader Red lipstick and Raggedy Ann blush, but I’m pretty sure she’s got more plastic in her face than a Barbie doll.

  2. Cindylu

    So much for this being your own business. They pay nothing and yet demand control of every aspect of these women’s lives. No wonder the word cult has been attached to this group for decades. Years ago when it started wigs were the norm. What next wigs and prairie dress? Women should wear what they want as they travel including pants and proper footwear. Considering travelling means toting around huge suitcases and going through security, safety and comfort should be the priority. Also this NSD has way too much time on her hands if she lists all that goop IBC’s and directors need to tote. I disliked wearing or using all that make up junk. My director and the local newly minted NSD’s glamour skills were laughable jokes. This same SD did an annual bridal fair and dared to have us do bridal makeovers. I shiver at ruining the day of the bridal parties. There is no way Seminar attendees would need most of these items.

    1. MLM Radar

      Looking at Pam Shaw’s picture, she probably needs all that stuff for herself just in case the Botox starts to wear off. Or because her too-tight face could split open if it’s bumped.

      Everyone else- not so much.

  3. Silvia deBerry

    You know what will make one “feel FIRST CLASS”? Paying for a first-class ticket. No manner of dress will replicate this feeling in economy, because you have no control over the variables: quality of food, seat pitch, personalized attention, and who you’re sitting next to.

    If I want to replicate this experience in coach, I’ll dress for comfort, full stop. I’m pretty sure a business suit with pantyhose and high heels is the complete opposite of what I want to try and achieve.

    1. MLM Radar

      Fly First Class? No no no. Can’t do that if you’re not an NSD.

      First class tickets are expensive. The more you spend on airfare, the less you have to spend on something that benefits your NSD. And she needs every $1200 order she can squeeze out of you.

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