A More Truthful Recruiting Speech

If a Mary Kay recruiter was being truthful about the “opportunity,” this is what it might sound like.

Hi Perfect Stranger!

I have just bought into a huge Multi Level Marketing (MLM) scheme and I would like to get in your space for a few moments to put some skin care and make up on you so that I can ultimately try to snare you into joining me in this ridiculous pursuit!

Really? You’d love to try some skin care? I’M SO EXCITED! Now, I can work on pushing all of your hot buttons!

Are you a Christian? Then I will push the company’s God first slogan!

Are you starved for attention? GREAT! I will push the company’s wonderful sisterhood of up and coming millionaires and flash you some cheap jewelry!

Do you want to stay at home with your children? I’M SO EXCITED! I can show you how this company will allow you to be on the phone, at a skin care class, at a weekly meeting, using social media, or any other really special activities that will draw you away from your children (please don’t bring them to any meetings, although we say that Family is before career – children have no place in a professional beauty consultant’s world.)

Or, maybe you would like to earn a little extra money to help the family out with some bills? Oh boy! I will show you how to invest, invest, invest in your Mary Kay business… don’t worry about all the money it will pull from your family cause it will give commission to MINE!

Oh and if you are a little hesitant about investing in your very own business (which we will strongly advise you on how to run your business and how to dress for your business) we also offer our 90% buy-back guarantee!! That’s right – the company will re-purchase any inventory at 90% from you if you decide that this awesome opportunity is not for you, uhmm, by the way you will take the hit for the 10% and the company will brand you as a failure and a quitter. And you’ll never get back all the money you spent on supplies, meeting, postage, and other expenses.

Still with me, target prospect?

How about a great career involving a little known art called “warm chatter?” This aspect of our company will make you view each woman you come in contact with as either a prospective customer, hostess, or a recruit!! And the more recruits the higher I go… uhmm, I mean the higher you go!

So just plop down $100 plus tax and I’ll get you started and then we can talk about all the inventory you need to start stock-piling so that I can make more and more commissions and begin to drive “free” and move up on the little beehive known as Mary Kay, Inc.!

3 Comments

  1. Jamming Berry

    Hahahahaha— This is so funny!! Thanks!

    I attended my once a year unit meeting last night, to pretend I’m “All In” and my SD mentioned that studies show it takes 8 times for a person to respond to you via social media/email/calling etc… 8 TIMES! Holy good gracious! I guess it’s no wonder I have hardly any customers as I try to work my way out of this debt: I just can’t bring myself to badgering and stalking people like that.

    1. MLM Radar

      “Studies”? Whose studies are those? Oh, that’s right. Those studies were reported by a Director who heard them from an NSD who knew someone who eavesdropped on another MLM’s weekly call where they were read from an unnamed blog that had a screen-shot of a pdf that was uploaded from an old conference training document (think 1994) that had the heading clipped off which used to read: “Why You Should Never Use Social Media and Email” that had pretend facts written as a joke by a sorority pledge’s kid brother.

      Whew.

      Do they want real facts? It only takes one email for her email address to be flagged as a spammer, and one phone call or text for her phone number to be added to my blocked caller list. I ain’t waiting around for the 8th contact before I shun her.

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