Mary Kay Director Lingo

What do Mary Kay sales directors say, and what do they really mean? One of our readers put together this handy list. The directors feed everyone so much nonsense about Mary Kay and how great it is, but every line of every script has an underlying message.  Everything a director tells you and/or a potential recruit can be very easily translated into its true meaning within a split second.

Here are some of the most common lines and their actual meanings:

1. You’ve Got to Show Up to Go Up = The more you show, the more money I make.

2. A $3600 wholesale inventory is “profit level” = If you order 3600, I’ll get to keep my car for another month.

3. Mary Kay’s marketing plan is taught at Harvard Business School = I don’t know a darn thing about Harvard’s business curriculum.

4. There are no QUOTAS in Mary Kay = There are quotas within quotas within quotas within quotas everywhere in Mary Kay.

5. Aerodynamically, the bumble bee should not be able to fly, but it does not know that and does so anyway. = Mary Kay Ash never took a biology class.

6. Mary Kay is America’s Best Selling Brand = Mary Kay is America’s number one pyramid scheme and manufacturer of skin irritants.

7. I earned a free car in my short time as a director = They haven’t take the car this month—thank God, now I need you to go out and recruit more women!

8. It’s YOUR BUSINESS, you can do what you want with it. = Mary Kay owns your soul and will police your every move.

9. You make 50% profit on your sales. = Mary Kay Corporation is the only one making a profit in this “business.”

10. The product just flies off the shelf! = I’ve been watching Poltergeist too many times and I’m starting to see things… et tu, pink fog?

11. I need you to do 15 faces in 15 days = RECRUIT like you never recruited before!  I am in grave danger of losing my unit, car, suit, and cheap jewelry that came from one of those quarter dispensers!

12. Oh my gosh, I am so excited I think I’m about to burst! = Inside, I’m screaming for my life.

13. I have faith in you = I think you’re gullible enough to fall for this lie.

14. You’ve got to fake it to make it = I’ve been in MK for ten years and all I have to show for it all is enough debt to sink the economy of France.

15. Everyone can hold 2 skin care classes a week! = You need to sacrifice your family, your friends, and yourself so that you can earn me my car and commission checks.

16. Seminar will change your life! = I have NO ONE who is willing to go with me, PLEASE go so I won’t show up alone again and have to face all those stares!

17. Mary Kay is Recession-Proof = Mary Kay is sinking like the Titanic, we need you to sign on to help save the drowning rats!

18. You can start your own business for only $100 = 100 dollars is JUST the beginning of the road to financial ruin…

19. Mary Kay always holds your best interest at heart = Mary Kay always holds the quest of scamming you out of your money at heart.

20. Mary Kay women are very very happy! = We’re all losing big in this scheme and we’re too afraid to show our real feelings of anger and devastation.

 

What phrases can you add to this list?

9 Comments

  1. Mary Kay Widower

    “Aerodynamically, the bumble bee should not be able to fly, but it does not know that and does so anyway.”

    I heard that so many times from my ex-wife. That myth is used elsewhere, but MK seems to use it the most. When I showed my ex the truth that scientists are well aware of how bumblebees can fly she got angry and I was told I was being un-supportive.

    In case you’re curious, here is the Bumblebee Truth:
    https://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1076/is-it-aerodynamically-impossible-for-bumblebees-to-fly/

    1. Lazy Gardens

      I dissected that poor bumblebee a while back.

      http://www.pinktruth.com/2016/02/17/about-that-mary-kay-bumblebee/

      The idea goes back to a French entomologist, August Magnan, and a French mathememetician Andre Sainte-Lague, who in 1934 not only calculated that bumblebee flight was impossible, but published it in Magnan’s book, Le vol des insects (the Flight of Insects). What nearly everyone overlooks is that at the end of the paragraph Magnan also wrote, “One shouldn’t be surprised that the results of the calculations don’t square with reality.”

      Where did they go wrong? Sainte-Lague used the simple equations for calculating wing lift for ordinary airplanes – with the usual rigid wings. When was the last time you saw a 747, or even a Piper Cub, flap its wings? Bumblees have two wings that not only flap (back and forth, not up and down), but pivot so they are upside down on the backstroke. If you analyse the flight of insects, they are more swimming through air than flying like a bird, using the turbulence to keep themselves aloft and move forward.

      ******************
      Many of these sayings are “thought stopping clichés”, meant to give you a glib answer and stop any analysis.

  2. pinkpeace

    Haha, Mary Kay Widower – that bumblebee story used to drive me crazy, too!

    But what made me even more stabby was, “Reach for the moon! Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars.” NO YOU WON’T. Do you know anything at all about the galaxy?? The closest star to our solar system is over four light years away.

    I’m pretty sure if you miss the moon, you’re going to land among a few satellites, at best.

  3. Cindylu

    Also that things are free: the car, training etc. No they are not. It costs you at the door for the room. The samples and products sure aren’t free. Gas and wear and tear on your vehicle is costly. Giving away products for some fake model make over isn’t free. Seminar and all conferences definitely aren’t free. Paying for that stupid dress and shoes for the fake awards night isn’t free. Paying to advertise for Mk (because this company certainly doesn’t advertise on radio, television or any main stream magazine). No let the minions pay for their business cards, booklets and the odd kiosk themselves. Meanwhile during those fake Christmas contests and craft table events, women avoid the Mk lady like the plague. Imagine Mk daring to have their IBC’s etc. put a box at local store counters with pretend make overs. Ugh fake, fake, fake.

  4. MLM Radar

    10. The product just flies off the shelf! = I’ve been watching Poltergeist too many times and I’m starting to see things

    This year Universal Studios Orlando theme park has a haunted house based on Poltergeist. Things and demons are flying around and jumping out at you from everywhere. It sure puts “flying off the shelf” into perspective. What a nightmare!

  5. enorth

    1. You’ve Got to Show Up to Go Up = You need to stay drugged on pink positivity, happy hype, and rah-rah girl-friend time. You’ll have so much fun dressing up, making new girlfriends, playing with makeup, memorizing affirmations, and making “vision posters”, you won’t even notice you’re not making money.

    4. There are no quotas in Mary Kay = There are lots of quotas, but they’re called something else so you don’t realize they’re quotas.

    6. Mary Kay is America’s Best Selling Brand = Mary Kay does not track sales to end-customers, only to Mary Kay consultants (the real customers).

    7. I earned a free car in my short time as a director. = The car isn’t yours. You just get to drive it as long as you keep meeting your quotas (which you claim not to have.)

    8. It’s your business = Not really. You signed an agreement with Mary Kay. Read it carefully and make sure you understand what you signed.

    9. You make 50% profit on your sales. = You’ll need to find people willing to 1) buy MK products and 2) pay the full retail price. Also, look up the definition of “profit.”

    10. The product just flies off the shelf = No, it does not. That’s why there are quotas (which you claim not to have) requiring you to continue ordering certain amounts in a certain time-frame. Otherwise, you wouldn’t order much and MK wouldn’t sell billions of dollars in product annually to its customers, the consultants. Cha-ching.

    13. I have faith in you = I’m using you. If you don’t order and recruit, I miss out on commissions, bonuses and prizes. So, I’m willing to stroke your ego and tell you how awesome you are and how proud I am of you. Just keep those credit-cards out.

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