More Fun Tips for Enjoying Seminar

Written by The Scribbler

Welcome back! I promised you the next two points of Pam Shaw’s Seminar tips, and by golly, here they are for you to enjoy!

3. “Pack runner’s band aids (second skin) and keep other essentials stored in your Travel Bag. Sewing kit, goo gone, jewelry cleaner, nail color and top cote, file, scissors, Always include eye-mask, calming solution, visine, X-Em. Night cream, foot treatment cream, febreeze, jewelry cleaner in your travel bags.”

Oh for crying out loud. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen ¾ of these things on TSA’s do-not-pack list, somewhere in between the blasting caps and the meat cleavers. Do you realize the horror that would occur if a plane carrying a load of consultants to Dallas pulled its best lawn-dart impression? The resulting fireball would have enough raw materials to shine for months.

Dovetailing on the aforementioned carnage, we’ll check out the last point. Hang on, Sloopy, this one’s a doozy!

4. “DRESS TO FLY. Why?

A. Mary Kay herself asked you to.

B. You are the Mary Kay IMAGE to everyone in the airport and hotel as they FIRST come in contact with you.

C. You’ll feel FIRST CLASS. (Note: “And by “first class” Pam means you’ll feel as if you’ve just given Thomas the Tank Engine a piggyback ride from the Dallas Metro all the way to say, Abilene.”)

First off, can we stop with the guilt courtesy of the dearly departed, already? You may be sitting there reading this and going, “Oh GOD, you are SO insensitive – God bless Mary Kay’s humble soul – such disrespect! Such GALL; now get off of my lawn!”

Ladies, hear my heart, okay? When someone dies, no amount of homage, celebration, or ritual is going to bring them back unless you’re a Voodoo sorceress and you’ve got a Masters in Undead Theory. People spend so much time entrenched in the affairs of the dead – heck, even Christ said, “Let the dead bury the dead.” I’m not trying to minimize loss of a loved one, nor am I saying that one cannot reflect on the things an individual did or said. What I AM saying is for an individual to so heavily engage in what is idol worship in its purest form is an very unhealthy thing for both mind and soul.

Mary Kay Ash is not peering at you from some faraway place, shaking her head and muttering, “Look at Red Jacket Anderson over there. She flew to Dallas in sweats and sneakers. Nope. No eternal salvation for you, honey; but I’ll be merciful. If you sell $1,000 a week for the rest of your life, you’ll then you’ll be entered into a drawing to receive eternal life after you die, so you better get cracking, sweet cheeks. That roll-up bag isn’t going to sell itself.” Mary Kay Corporate simply loves to use the ol’ “Mary Kay is God’s Special Envoy” concept as a manipulation tool, so don’t you fall for it, girlfriend.

Let’s talk about the whole “dress to fly” concept. For Mary Kay women, this typically means wearing full business gear from top to toe: blouse, suit jacket, skirt, pumps; fully done makeup and hair.

I’d rather wear sweats and sneakers and carry my business attire with me in a carry-on. “But what will people think?” you may ask. “I’d be projecting an unprofessional image if I did that!”

In all my treks through airports (I’m a 10-year Air Force vet), I have never had an urge to curtsy and offer gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to a woman in a business suit because she “looked sharp.” On the flip side, I have never looked at a woman in sweats and thought, “What an unprofessional slob SHE is.” Quite frankly, nobody gives a flying leap regarding how you look in an airport environment. How you smell, maybe, especially if you’re going to be sitting next to me on the plane. But certainly not how you look.

In the eyes of the general public, “dressing to fly” means dressing comfortably. Even in the Air Force we were never required to wear a Class A uniform (full dress blues) while flying unless it was either on a non-commercial flight or a flight to one’s next duty station. After 9/11, however, I’m betting that rule is all but extinct.

Unlike uniforms easily recognizable to the general public, such as military battle-dress uniforms, most of the population has no clue what Mary Kay attire stands for, be it a certain color scarf or the trim on a director suit. Other than your name tag, you are nothing more than a business woman in a suit, period. I have never looked at a fully-garbed Mary Kay woman in an airport and gone, “Wow, how sharp – I need a Starter Kit pronto!” My thoughts were more along the lines of most air travelers:

“Sonofabiscuit, they changed the gate from A4 to Z13 on me AGAIN – Good Lord, high heels in O’Hare? Is that woman insane? Her feet are going to be the size of toilet lids by the end of the day! Crud – I just missed the shuttle by 2 seconds. And speaking of toilet lids, I’m starving; I better go get me a lukewarm soft pretzel before I pee my pants. Hey, look – another homeless guy – ‘sup dawg?”

There you have it, friends. Helpful hints and handy tips from your thoughtful uplines.

Here’s MY tip for you. Make THIS the year that you use the money you were going to spend on Seminar on a vacation with your family. Mary Kay doesn’t need any more of your money, time, or self-sacrifice. Your family does.

10 Comments

    1. TRACY

      Yep. She was very angry after I blogged about her. But she found out the truth: It was impossible to have a consistent retail selling business. Discounts and promotions ate into profits. Pressure to keep purchasing inventory in order to meet quotas. Ultimately she could never make enough to really support herself, even though she was full time LLR.

      I think she’s doing well with her stickers and coloring books. Frankly, they’re beautiful. If she can make a living doing that and she enjoys it, more power to her!

  1. Neverpink

    “Top cote” drives me nuts. Was Pam the teacher that quit to do MK? If so, I’m glad she’s out of the classroom…

    Also seconding that most of what she’s saying to pack, including the “top cote”, is probably prohibited. Scissors? No way. I couldn’t even pack a metal or glass nail file. She also listed jewelry cleaner twice… does their jewelry get THAT dirty at Scaminar?

  2. Charles

    There is nothing fun about the city of Dallas, particularly during the warmer months. No, it’s not some crime-ridden hellhole like Detroit but I used to have to travel there a lot for work and found it rather dull, as well as not very pedestrian or public transit friendly (being from New York, I am used to walking or taking public transit almost everywhere most of the time). Not to mention it gets pretty humid during the warmer months, which I didn’t care for. I didn’t exactly loathe traveling to Dallas, got plenty of good food and beer, but when I wasn’t at client meetings I really didn’t find much else to do but stay back at my hotel, either exercising in the gym or drinking at the bar. Was always happy to get on the plane back home. Dallas is hardly any kind of tourist destination. As far as Texas goes, San Antonio is perhaps more of a place to take vacations.

    Arbonne is another scam, but at least they have their annual seminar/conference in Las Vegas. Could actually plan some kind of vacation around that.

    1. MLM Radar

      I flew into D-FW airport in June a few years ago. I walked out the door and it felt like an oven. It was 103 degrees and there had been no rain for more than a month. Everything was bone-dry white.

      There was no humidity that day. But when it’s 103 degrees outside it doesn’t really matter. At 103 degrees whatever moisture is in your skin immediately evaporates, leaving your clothes salt-encrusted and you with an imminent case of heat stroke if you don’t seek shelter immediately.

      A year or so after that I had to be in the Dallas area again, during the first week of August. Same scenario – bone dry with no rain for weeks. This time the temperature in Dallas was over 110 degrees. It wasn’t possible to drink enough water to work outside safely.

      There’s a reason Mary Kay get the Dallas Convention Center for a cheap rate.

  3. Cindylu

    As previously stated how you dress on the plane and in the airport won’t make one bit of difference. This isn’t 1969. You definitely don’t need any note taking material. Any pretend training given will mostly be an attempt to entice you to stay in MK. They don’t care if you are thousands in debt. They don’t care if products are rotting in your home because of front loading. Have bells and whistles to attract our attention: A stage, women in suits, music, prizes, ribbons, a tiara and throne. You don’t jewelry cleaner. What you’ll need is deodorant and a quick way to make yourself presentable. Sharing a room with 3 strangers means being creative about gaining access to the hotel rest room. Every where you go MK wii purposely punish you for not recruiting enough. The abuse includes: being away from family, substandard room and food, no discernible glamor or other training and listening to narcissistic NSD’s fabricate their MK careers. You’ll then return to that maxed out Credit card and a husband that is worried sick about you.

  4. Enorth

    I always look forward to the photos taken at the airport food-court, the ones where they are all sharing one sandwich. Then, once on the aircraft, they’ll take selfies as they squeal with delight, “We’re going to seminar!” Everyone on-board will know it’s the gals’ first trip out of Bugtussle.

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