Mary Kay Bullies

Written by PinkPeace

I was talking with one of my heroes here on Pink Truth, Raisinberry, and the topic turned to the subtle form of bullying that goes on in Mary Kay.

You may be thinking that bullying is only for schoolchildren, and that adults outgrow it. Certainly it could never happen in a company that’s “God first, family second and career third”! But it does, and the reason no one recognizes it is that Mary Kay cleverly turns it on its head presents it as positive recognition.

Bullying makes someone feel “less than” and preys upon her lack of power in any given circumstance. It’s intended to cause distress and push someone toward behaving in the way that the bully wants her to behave.

It starts with the brand new consultant. She has just signed her consultant agreement and is making an inventory decision. She is encouraged to order as much product as possible, because the more she orders, the more the director is paid in commission. At the weekly unit meeting, the new consultant sees Star Consultants paraded to the front of the room, given little prizes, and applauded for “making the smart business decision to work with a full store.” Star Consultants are invited to special quarterly “star parties.” They are recognized on unit websites and in newsletters. They get to sit in special seating at unit meetings and events. Those consultants who don’t place big orders are made to feel inferior and unimportant, and so the cycle begins.

Mary Kay would just say that directors reward their consultants for a job well done, and what’s wrong with that? But I say that having enough space on your credit card is not an accomplishment, and since no one tracks what is actually sold to an end consumer, there’s no way to know if star orders accurately reflect sales efforts.

Ask a lower-ordering consultant whether this recognition positively motivates to work harder and order more. Almost always, she’ll tell you she feels shamed and is left wondering why, when she’s trying so hard, she can’t make it to star or the next level in the business. It’s a subtle form of bullying designed to make the consultant want to order more inventory, even when it’s not in her best interest. There are some women who are so desperate for any bit of appreciation in their lives that they will do whatever it takes to have someone in power (the sales director) tell her she’s important and give her a bit of applause in front of her peers.

But wait. Don’t managers in other companies reward their sales forces with prizes and recognition? Well yes, but the circumstances couldn’t be any more different. In any legitimate company, the manager knows exactly what each sales person sells and the employees know what their sales targets are. No one has to front their own money for inventory or sales aids; the company supplies it all. The sales people compete in a fair market, with set territories or an equitable division of accounts. Sound like Mary Kay? Of course not.

But it’s more than sales. There is a powerful and insidious form of put-down that only escalates the higher a consultant moves up the MK ladder. I’m referring to all the pieces of clothing that Mary Kay pressures you to wear to show your status within the company.

It starts with the red jacket. How many times did you hear in a unit meeting that “you’ve got to get into red”? Directors are taught to pump up the red jacket talk so that everyone will want to be wearing it – it shows that a consultant is serious in her business, and it’s her reward for sharing the opportunity with others.

Again, the red jackets have their own up-front recognition at meetings. They sit at a special table. They are given prestigious duties at a meeting. They have their own private training at events. The whole point is to make others envious of their position so that they will recruit and have their own red jackets to wear. And let’s be clear. Directors LOVE red jackets – new recruits mean more money in their pockets each month.

As we all know, directors wear their own suits to show off their status as being higher still on that MK ladder. Do you remember your directors talking about the suit all the time? They were trying to get you to want the suit, want the position and think that being a director is the be all and end all of your life. Why? The production that you’ll have to do to make it to directorship is essential for the director’s bottom line.

But there’s always more. Each level of directorship has its own distinctive uniform, whether it’s the color of the blouse, a certain type of jacket lapel, a special scarf or other accessory. Of course, there are also the unit club and bumblebee pins – instant ways to see how successful everyone is. When directors get together, the very first thing they do is to check out everyone’s director suit to see where they all stand in the pecking order. When you’re at the lower levels of directorship, the feelings of being “less than” continue.

Everyone becomes objectified. Directors look upon their consultants with the thought of “how much money can she add to my unit?” Nationals look at their own directors with an eye toward whose production will propel them higher on the Applause scoreboard. Struggling to make minimum unit production? Don’t expect a call or any encouragement from your National.

Nationals specifically teach the best way to make others feel inferior. I attended countless director meetings taught by NSDs where they instructed us to:

  • Never share a room at Seminar with anyone who wasn’t a director
  • Only offer to work with consultants who were ordering product consistently
  • Ignore our non-ordering consultants, other than sending them a monthly newsletter
  • Set up special events for our top people only
  • Taunt our consultants by telling them that we had exclusive information and perks that they could only get when they became directors
  • Talk constantly about the one of-a-kind camaraderie that belongs to sales directors alone, using inside jokes and other exclusionary language

All these elements of “recognition” actually bring out the worst in a person.

You’re encouraged to feel jealous of your sister consultants. If you’re not progressing up the ladder, you’re excluded from special unit events and prizes. You’re made to feel inferior to those who are “moving and shaking” in the unit. Directors are taught to encourage envy in the hopes of increasing unit production.

And if you have gotten to a certain status in Mary Kay, such as directorship, you can develop a very ugly attitude of superiority over consultants or anyone who is behind you on the ladder. That happened to me, and I am so ashamed of how I thought about others, and more importantly, how I treated them.

Make no mistake, it’s ALL about the money for those directors and NSDs above you. The more they stir up feelings of inferiority, dissatisfaction and envy, the more they hope you’ll work harder to pump up those orders and bring in new consultants. See it for what it is – bullying.

19 Comments

  1. Cindylu

    I remember two red jackets in my unit who tried and failed. My director was infamous at sabotaging her competition and taking their consultants. Her one and only Director managed to out wit my director on her second try. She rarely held her meetings with my SD. Once I had completed my perfect start my SD actually made fun of that and reminded me that cold calling wouldn’t be as easy. (By sadly forcing a neighbour to sit in on one make over with two others I’d begged to help out). Right from the start I trusted my recruiter and one of the red jackets. My SD though gave me the creeps. My husband also intensely disliked her from the start. However, he supported my decision in the hope it would give me a chance to work around being a stay at home mom. My SD was both a bully and a Covert Narcissist. (A covert narcissist is someone who craves admiration and importance as well as lacks empathy toward others but can act in a different way than an overt narcissist.). My SD pretended to care and that she needed others. (using MK’s well researched scripts). However, she was a cold blooded predator. In the end over 20 years later she is still a SD with dozens of women who have quit over the years because of her phony selfish ways.

  2. Lazy Gardens

    It was set up by Mary Kay – there is a bit in one her books where she points out the distinctive uniforms to an interviewer as a way to keep them striving for the next level.

    1. pinkpeace

      That’s hilarious! The very same thing happened to one of my new recruits. I went to pick her up for her first meeting, and she had a black skirt, white blouse and red jacket. At that point in my MK life, I was a Red Jacket, so my recruit was embarrassed that we were wearing basically the same outfit to the meeting.

      I told her that it was a “sign” that she was destined to be a success in Mary Kay and that everyone at the meeting was going to make a fuss over her. Good lord, I was a dork.

    2. morningstar

      Yeppers! It happened in the mid 1990’s. Cruella director made the guest take off the offensive red professional jacket as not to confuse the meeting what a crock.

  3. morningstar

    My NSD wanted us to be like Dacia, and bullied us because we weren’t delivering to her area. Actually she was in competition with Dacia. She would make statements all the time how we were grifters compared to Dacia. And how smart Dacia was…etc. In my estimation both are living miserable lives. Thank you every day for PT.

      1. NayMKWay

        If I hadn’t seen that post of Dacia’s creative spelling of “yacht,” I’d have thought you were throwing up.

        Which is appropriate, actually. I mean, it is Dacia of the Green Underwear.

  4. Nancy Village

    OK…. I am new here. I have been reading alot of trues. Igot sick of comments from NSD and directors. Bullying to consultants. I was mk director for a year, I was looking for some place where I could leave all my bad past. In a meeting the NSD ask 3 ladies to step at the front to the stage and she asked us to observe them, to see who were best dressed as a propper mkbc, the ladies look like ashamed due all eyer were on them. Then the NSD was telling what kind of cloths we must to attend to meetings. She basicly was bulling to this ladies. Sorry about my spelling I had the need to leave this here.

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