Lusting After Women in My Heart

PinkPeace,

This is amazing! I had never thought about 'warm stalking' as sinful. But it is in every way. Stalking women for their purchasing potential is greed and that is one of the 7 Deadly Sins (Sloth, Anger, Greed, Lust, Envy, Pride, Gluttony). As a matter of fact, the MK Opportunity commits each and every one of the 7 Deadly Sins...and there is nary a shread of evidence of even one of the 7 Heavenly Virtures (Prudence, Temperance, Justice, Fortitude, Charity, Hope and Faith)

I wonder how many of our dogma dealing lurkers will read this and take it for what it is...the TRUTH! Or if they will twist it with a pink noose and sell it for their own evil money grubbing profits.

PinkPeace~ you've given me so much to think about today! Thanks for your willingness to share. I know if I were still in MK and came here and that is what I read it would have a profound impact on me. I think now you are really Enriching Womens Lives girlfriend!

I was very good at "warm stalking" and never thought about it in this light. I just thought I had good people skills...now I feel dirty.

Great job Pinkpeace!

This is great!!! Thank you!

I felt the same way at times, Pinkpeace! I remember feeling disgusted because it dawned on me that my thought process was quite like a dirty old man, salivating over the "sharp" woman that I was trying to con into listening to my spiel.
Ugh. Yuck. That is so &%#*@% up!

What a great article. This is what hurts so many women and MKC should be ashamed of what they force their directors to do in the name of business. Think of all the IBC's our there that truly thought their SD valued their friendship, only to be dropped like a hot potato when they moved on from MK. I know the directors are taught to 'work the number's but at what cost? Lives are not enriched by this company, they are damaged.

Maybe that is why I had such a hard time in walking up to that sharp woman I had been stalking. It just didn't feel right.

Food for thought indeed. I was also confindent in walm stalking. I still love engaging people in conversation but with vastly different motives.

PP, what I get out of your thought provoking piece is that it is a heart issue. When we pretend to befriend someone for our own purposes our motives are surely not pure. As a SD I often took advantage of others for the sake of my MK business.

I like you, sacrificed having real relationships because I was so focused on MK, 24-7. Even in church I was always scoping women out and it was driving me crazy. :s But I never saw this as lusting and that my friend is exactly what it is. Thank you for sharing the truth, it is painful but necessary if we are to heal.

Now I often strike up conversations with others as I am out and about but it is because I love people and it is fun.

Ouch.

Ouch,ouch,ouch.
There was no event, no visit, no outside excursion that did not involve scanning the area for the next "sharp" one. Weddings, husbands business events, other mlm parties, network network network. When recruiting was down, I was told to get out of my house. I am expert at warm stalking.

A life of ulterior motive is Mary Kay.

I am sick now pinkpeace. I wonder when the last regret will surface.

pinkpeace

This was so incredible yet brutally painful at the same time.

I actually started my whole so called career well balanced. My heart was in the right place thinking, hoping and trying to make a difference in each women's life, when I was a consultant. I was there for a new growing, successful business but I would have never, as a consultant, deceivingly recruited someone. In the beginning of my Directorship, my heart started to become tainted. Then you are praised for your doings and encouraged to keep doing it. Your heart might start in the right place but once your are forced to recruit the scale quickly changes. There is no longer balance because you do not have the time to recruit from your heart nor for all of the right reasons. You take what you have learned, when your heart was pure, but your mission is no longer about them, it's about keeping your production which means your position. This is when "at any cost" takes over because it's out of desperation to save yourself and your unit.
The problem is that most consultants will not understand until they have been at the level that we have been. That's not to say that none of them will understand but some must learn on their own and we all know that they will once they've been in Directorship for 4-6 months. I can really see how a lot of this may not even make sense to consultants until they are forced to recruit, DIQ etc...

DIQ is just a small taste of what you are in for and then the lusting begins...

Oh lawdy - folks'll be gnawing on this one more than cube steak from the chow hall! Well done, Pinkpeace!

"I lusted after women's money when I could have built good friendships instead...

I'm reminded of a quote that NSD Allison LaMarr gave in her "Choosing your Own Destiny" document, in which she gives us a bit of insight into her earlier MK days:

"The dream I had caught at Seminar became a reality at the Advance...the only difference between me and them is that I knew what to do but they were doing it!"

LaMarr follows that up with this very telling bit of guidance:

"SNSD Cindy Williams taught me that there is a difference between doing your best and doing whatever it takes!"

You catch that one, friends? Your best in Mary Kay will not equal whatever it takes. Your best may be offering the facts in their entirety in recruiting interviews, but that's not what it takes. What it takes are the scripted lines, the "Wouldn't you like to help make this a better world?" manipulations (NSD Rena Tarbet teaches that one in particular) and the "Order big, you'll sell big" mentalities.

**Sits back and waits patiently for the "But SNSD Williams and NSD LaMarr are just bad apples!" remarks.**

I've met some really neat women in the last few years since I quit Mary Kay.
I still stop to think "What a relief and pleasure that I can simply be her friend, instead of pursuing facials and interviews and orders with her!"

Praise God! Women don't deserve to be stalked by MK warm chattering!!!!

PP,
What a great, insightful article.
I had almost all of the things you mentioned on your checklist, well groomed, the nails, and a good FT job with a good income. I can now imagine how I looked through my SD's eyes. I even told my recrutier when she asked me the first time to attend a meeting for my "free facial" to help her out with her training, the reason I couldn't come was that I was a skin & make-up junkie and knew I would spend too much money. I had always wanted to be in the cosmetics business so I'm sure I was an easy target. Glad's it's over now and all of the honesty on PT has helped me move on.

Here's the trick I learned a long time ago.

Ask a woman to show you pictures of her children. She pulls out her wallet and struggles to find the pix in the little slots. In the meantime, you scan her credit worthiness. Do you see a platinum AE, or an important looking VISA? Or do you see cards for Sears and "Leo's Big & Tall Shop"?

Make your decision to pursue or move on.

Lust. Love of money. Ugh.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

Wow.

I went to a special meeting one time where Rena Tarbet was speaking. She went on and on about how you have to "qualify" the people you meet so you know whether you are wasting your time or have found the next SD for your unit. I was disgusted how she talked about "ducks and eagles" saying that people with little money that didn't make HER "qualifications" was a "duck" and would never be anything special in life because they "just didn't have the intelligence to make it big in life"

She even went so far as to say that her own husband was a duck because he was a social worker and made very little money. He had just chosen to do that kind of work for the love of children rather than a bigger paycheck. She said that has was a "duck" and would never be anything spectacular because he was "just a social worker". The way she talked about him and other people who do selfless jobs like this was appalling.

You really hit it, PP. There's was a reason why we found it so difficult to do "warm chatter". We all know in our hearts that it's wrong to objectify people. Our leaders told us it was okay, because we would really be helping them by sharing the wonderful opportunity.

For my part, I was already having doubts about how wonderful it was by the time I decided to put my qualms aside and actually try the "warm chatter." So I wasn't able to completely swallow that justification. I couldn't get past the feeling that what I was doing just wasn't the right way to treat people, and I gave up on it pretty quickly. When I tried to explain why to my SD, she got pretty angry -- I suppose she really knew the same thing in her heart, and that's why she was so defensive.

ILikeRedBetter,
Guess I'm a duck.

What awful things for Rena Tarbet to say (and believe).

[quote]Your best in Mary Kay will not equal whatever it takes.[/quote]Exactly!

By those standards, Jesus was also a duck. How shallow can someone be?

I think that none of us started with MK thinking we were going to be the best predators around. I think we all started with a song in our hearts,that we were really going to be helping other women.

And then it all got tainted, and we had to quit caring about the person if we wanted to get anywhere...we had to scope them out and make sure they were worthy (read: had the money)to be our "girlfriend".

Isn't it nice to not have to prey on women anymore? We can have an honest conversation with someone without motives.

Boy is this painful to read. Everywhere I went my "sharp woman" radar would go off b/c of my MK training whether I liked it or not, it was engrained in my brain. I really believed I could help them but it NEVER felt comfortable to approach them even as a Sr. Director but I still did it on occasion if I was feeling brave. I love to talk but hated warm chattering up until the day I stepped down. It's not natural, it's gimmicky and I decided I would find other ways to find customers b/c it was so intrusive. I had several customers tell me how they were warm stalked and how obnoxious it was which reinforced to me that I would not be "the obnoxious MK lady" I tried for years to like doing it and never did. What made me mad is that if you chickened out, your were made to feel like you failed or weren't strong enough. Then you would stew about it and feel guilty afterwards which is ridiculous but is how you are trained to feel.
It's funny, whenever I see a sharp women now, that horrible radar still goes off and then I stop and think "Thank God I do not have any pressure to talk about Mary Kay to this woman. I can just be nice and perhaps make a new friend with no underlying motives!"

I've heard Rena's ducks and eagles speech many times. You really get insight into just how self important these women are. They don't even realize that they are revealing to the world just how shallow they are.

Great post PP! One of the greatest things about this is that all those holier than thou drive-by posters who come in here and spew scripture are now getting a taste of their own medicine. This is definately a "back at cha"! And to the ladies who can relate to these practices--sometime you have to be reminded where you were to realize how far you've come. Karma to all the ladies who posted here. Your work has only begun!

Twinkiefree,
Variation on the wallet theme.
Is she carrying a designer purse?
Vuitton, Coach, Dooney?
More likely to be an MK prospect.
For product or opportunity.
Blecch.

Excellent post pinkpeace. I truly appreciate your insights. Everyone else has contributed some amazing confessions and thoughts as well.

I hated warm chattering. I love people and hated doing this for the sake of a lead. Yes, I did it like many others because of wanting to move ahead. Yet, in the core of my being, I knew Jesus never treated people that way. We have been teaching the Youth at church about purity. This truly makes you reflect on a deeper level the purity of our lives and motives of our hearts. I repent for the past.

Pinkpeace,

Awesome article! Very thought-provoking!

PinkPunch,

Great comments. Really made me think!

Great, thought provoking article, PinkPeace!
In all the years of doing things the "MK way," God kept sending me messages that caused a not good feeling in my gut. But the events, teachers, daily brainwashing cds, conference calls, retreats, nsd "cruises," kept me thinking that by having those feelings, something was wrong with ME. After all, MK was such a wonderful opportunity for women. WHY would I ever hesitate or be so "selfish" to not offer it to everyone? Those intuitive feelings that made us hesitate, feel uncomfortable warm stalking, want to run from the room when God was being USED as a manipulative tool, made us feel dirty in church while we were looking for our next MK victim instead of taking in the word of God....these were our messages from God that would be quickly buried by the teachings of the next MK event. Your article today hits the nail right on the head. I am so thankful that we have PinkTruth to help us find our way back to reality and the truth.

I can't believe I'm even going to admit this, but I'll bet I'm not the only one!

Here's how thoroughly "pink-thinking" I was: I took recruiting CD's with my business cards attached to a funeral visitation!
(Yes, you pop-corn sillies - I DID know the man that died! I wasn't just dropping by random funerals / visitations to meet women! Although with this economy, there may be MK IBC's and Directors currently using that as another avenue to meet & warm-chatter vulnerable women?) )

Did I really think any of the "sharp" women there were going to want to have a discussion about a new business opportunity? I hadn't ever thought about it in terms of lusting after someone - but that's exactly what it is.

Here's the saddest part for me to realize .. the woman I most wanted to send home with a CD was the 40-something fiance of the deceased, and it was such a extra sad situation because it had been a suicide. Fortunately, my more rational mind and heart prevailed and kept me from even opening my bag to offer anything MK related to anyone that day.

Now I can go to weddings, baby showers, graduations, bible study and even funerals and not try to maneuver myself into position for an opportunity to try to talk the sharpest lady there!

I am [color=purple]thankful to be free![/color]

So true! I am happy that now I am 'normal'. While I was an MK consultant, I would become friends with women with the thought of selling her the MK Biz or products... Now that I read all of this.. I am glad that I am free!

Great point PinkPeace, We compromise our values to make the sale. I tried to warm chatter and was successful now and then but I felt that there was something dishonest about it, so I stopped doing it. I only told people I sold MK if they asked what I did. My sales started to drop but when I did get customers I could hold my head high. I gave up warm chattering long ago.

Yikes this brings back bad memories. Back in 1992, I was a brand new IBC and my pushy hideous director and I were manning a table at the local County Fair (you know the drill-ask people to fill out info cards to win a free product-then we would split the names and draw a winner). Well anyways I remember this woman came walking into the tent and she was all made-up, hair fixed, perfect makeup, jazzy dress. A few seconds later the Director actually "ran" after her and snagged her and gave her the scripted drill. She did not walk, she "ran". It was scary. Fortunately this well-groomed woman eventually brushed off Director and went on her way.

[quote]...manning a table at the local County Fair (you know the drill-ask people to fill out info cards to win a free product-then we would split the names and draw a winner)[/quote]
There are many of these fairs going on right now. Mary Kay has ruined me on any "free" giveaway. I do not put my name in ANY fishbowl.
Everything is free - for a price.

[quote]She did not walk, she "ran".[/quote]

yeah, my recruiter tells a similar story about how our director recruited her. i even remembered a month ago that i ran after a lady as we were leaving church! boy is my face red...

This lusting post fits my MK SD neighbor to the max. While I was gardening, I would watch her running after woman and putting her spell/curse on them. My neighbor no longer has the pink Cadillac and her husband had to go back to work. In 2007, I showed my neighbor's husband a cross while backing out of my driveway. I flashed it at him like they do in vampire movies. Since then he has calmed done and leaves me and my family alone. Mk corp.'s whole business dynamic is disgusting and extremely unprofessional.

Wow, this post really makes me embarassed that I fell for the "warm chatter" from my SD. I actually was introduced to MK completely by accident. My SD does a gig for the Norfolk area Navy TAP (Transition Assistance Program - this is a mandatory class everyone who is leaving the Naval service) where she comes in and takes the women aside to talk about appropriate etiquette, attire and makeup for job interviews. As the only female Officer in the room (the rest were Enlisted), I know she had her eye on me from the moment she walked in the room (for those who may not know, Officers make a pretty good amount of money - when I left the Navy I was making just shy of $80,000). I love people and I really love fashion and makeup, so we hit it off right away. She told me how pretty I was for a girl in the Navy - I was flattered. She informed everyone at the end of the class that she gives classes on "body shaping" (aka she sells a line of clothing) and "makeup application" (aka MK) and that she had some openings that night. I didn't have anything going on, and to her credit, she did her eye make-up REALLY well - that kind of smokey eye I just could never get right. I told her I would be interested in learining how she did her eyes, so I signed right up. When I arrived at her house, she immediately complimented me on my car and purse (Lexus and Louis Vuitton). I was the only one there and when I looked around I was immersed in a Mary Kay wonderland! I immediately chuckled to myself - I would never wear Mary Kay!! Alas, I was taken in by the presentation and my SD was so warm and nice. While we were waiting for the other girls to arrive, she chatted me up about what I was going to do after the Navy. I had a job lined up and was really happy to be moving on to the corporate world. She told me that I would be so perfect for MK and that she could see me going far - even if I only did it part time (I informed her that I thought I would be way too busy with my new job). I don't know what it is about MK, but the pink fog is so darn blinding!! Why do they make us feel so good and buy into the nonsense?!?! Long story short, I did end up signing up to be a consultant (telling myself it was just to get the discount for myself), but after my first visit to the training center, it was just too much for me. I was told to come in "sharp business" attire, so I wore my favorite skirt suit and heels. When I arrived, I realized that my interpretation of "sharp buisness" was very different than my other consultant sisters. That might have come across as snotty, but when you see women wearing khaki pants and a printed t-shirt as "sharp business," it makes you wonder. Not to mention I was silently laughing at all the grown women listening to cheesy upbeat music and cheering and dancing around like crazy people. I happened to be the "high seller" or whatever you call it for that week and I got to go to the front and wear a pink feather boa - woah, how cool! No, how lame. I just was so taken back by the fakeness, but then there was another part of me that was astounded at the fact that the other women seemed to believe in it. I did sell a few items to friends and family, but I never really took it seriously. My SD tried and tried, but after 6 months of here and there ordering, she's pretty much given up on me. It wasn't until reading this post that it really all came together for me that I was a sucker from the start and that my SD really could have cared less about me as a person - she lusted after my money and all of the people I could reach by being a "sharp woman."

pink*bean ... and all your sharp, well-paid Navy connections too.

You might tell the people in charge of the Norfolk TAP that they have an instructor who is using her instructor position as a recruiting ground for her MLMs.

You're so right, Lazy! She actually has a pretty big cash cow with the TAP gig. She would push the girls who were about to go on 6 month deployments to buy HUGE inventories, telling them they would sell out because all of the girls on the ships would want to buy beauty products while out at sea. I'll give it to her, there is something to that. When you're encased in steel out in the middle of the ocean, there's a huge captive audience!

About reporting, I don't think she's "technically" doing anything wrong, because she doesn't mention MK at all and we voluntarily sign up for her "Makeup Classes." I'm sure they probably know about it anyway - maybe she does the class for free in turn for being allowed to pitch her "Classes". It's definitely a little bit sketchy, especially since I was expecting a real make-up lesson, not an MK facial.

Lying about what the "classes" are is doing something wrong. People should know that those classes are really sales events.

She may have an agreement that it's okay to do that, but people who go to her talk should be warned. When I went to a class like that at college, we knew the people there were from a clothing store, and would pitch their clothes to some degree. They weren't pitching us fake jobs.

This is a situation where the person seems to be representing herself as an educator, and is getting people to sales and RECRUITING events under false pretenses. It wasn't obvious to you what she was doing because she was HIDING what she was doing.

Wow pinkpeace I realize now that I'm guilty of that deadly sin and need a confessional immediately! When I left MK 5 years ago, I wrote a generic to all of you this concerns letter apologizing for ever selling them something they didn't want or need. I can't remember exactly what I wrote, but I do remember that part. I remember the uncomfortable shifts and glances some of my guests had at meetings, but dismissed them in pursuit of that red jacket. I could have had great friendships as well, if only I had a genuine interest in her for who she was not how far she could take me. I still feel so much shame looking back... My own sister won't call me to this day because I tried to sell her MK.