Living for Morsels... The Mary Kay Way

AWESOME article Raisin!!!

Three things stood out to me:

[quote]...all contribute to a culture that thinks that dangling carrots produce the best results while creating discontent in a large segment of consultants.[/quote]

Yes!! Its not the chosen few, it's the few that choose! ha!

[quote]Your significance has nothing to do with a suit you wear, a pin you put on, a special seat you sit upon or which dining room you qualify for. If you were chasing any of that to once and for all, quiet that voice inside your head which says you are not where you need to be, release it. It is a carefully crafted manipulation to hook your wounded soul and extract your money, resources, time and talent.[/quote]

The minute I decided I was done I felt an amazing peace wash over me. And you realize how destructive it is to be chasing things like that!

[quote]Pursuit of excellence will naturally get you where you want to go, without need of comparing yourself to others, captivated by envy and most certainly without stepping on and over others as you manipulate them into financial destruction.[/quote]

What a way to sum it up. Do your best at whatever it is that you do and you will be rewarded.

I hope that this sheds some light to those reading it.

Great piece,Raisin! And you know, the scariest part of MK is that the ones preying on womens' weaknesses and vulnerabilities is OTHER WOMEN!!

Great article! I read a story last night on MSN called 8 Toxic personalities to avoid. The first one is "Manipulative Mary" - These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. As a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want. Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't neccessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

Vintage..that sounds exactly like a Director newsletter to the troups!

Nice article, Raisin. I think for the first time since I've read everything on here, I cried a little. Never have I seen such a stark portrait painted of my inner self before. I will definitely be deep in thought today. I've worked through all the Mk related issues, but not the other things you mentioned. ouch.

B I N G O!
It is in leaving MK that you can really evaluate and grow! Raisinberry, your article really hits home with me. (but you knew that already!)
I have recently been encouraged to read 2 books, "Understanding the Enneagram: The Practical Guide to Personality Types" and "The Five Love Languages."
Of course, I profile to be the "Giver" or the "Servant." Part of what has kept me in MK SO long was my loyalty and "momma" spirit that made me willing to put all my own needs aside to take care of those who I had promised to lead. The day I finally accepted that no matter how RIGHT I tried to do things, I could not protect them from potential spiritual, personal and financial devastation. You can TRY to run an honorable business in MK but with InTouch, the internet, company events and conference calls with nsds, it is impossible to shield unsuspecting good women from hearing things that do not promote a healthy life or business. If I had stayed in the MK fog, I would never be discovering my true self. I am finding out that I DO have significance, even if I no longer drive a Pink Cadillac...go figure!

"That is why some women, who appear angry and strong come here and just can’t get that you would be so stupid to have lost thousands of dollars buying Mary Kay products for stupid ladders or stars..."

When women give the "I am so smart and would never fall for a recruiter's script" line, they don't realize that falling for that recruiter's script has absolutely nothing to do with how learned or educated one is...and everything to do with one's feelings and emotions. Pick up a Mary Kay script and it will sport an emotionally-charged line such as:

- Do you want to work with me? I want to work with you!
- Don't you want extra cash and friends?
- In Mary Kay, you have the greatest opportunity to serve the Lord!

Raisinberry is correct - the Mary Kay modus operandi is to create discontent in an otherwise content heart...and we all know who else who an ace at doing that:

[IMG]http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj307/fortschreitend/Adam_Eve.jpg[/IMG]

Eve wasn't stupid or uneducated, people; her intelligence came straight from her Creator. She did, however, have the very emotional "You'll be like gods!" carrot dangled in front of her, which translates to the "You'll be an NSD!" carrot that's dangled in Mary Kay.

Thank you so much, Raisinberry. You described me to a T. I took a 'real job' because of various circumstances and only then began to see all the inconsistencies [aka lies] of MK. I didn't learn how needy I was until I was out. And how the system preys on the need. Emotional growth cannot happen when you are ensnared in that company.

Raisinberry writes: "the typical woman exploited in MLM schemes like Mary Kay, is used to being happy just getting a positive morsel and will wait at the table rationalizing until she gets another."

This is the general description of any process which produces cognitive dissonance - behaviour at odds with beliefs held.

It would be important to list the top 10 devices which produces such dissonance, and develop responses to them.

Raisen, yesterday I wrote on a post something to the effect that I could almost feel the pain that so many of you long time Directors have from leaving MK and your units to someone else even though for yourself stepping down was the best decision. That is what MK hopes for, that you won't leave, that you will have the determination and perseverance to stay the course no matter what the cost. You have too much invested in your unit and in yourself to step down. You took the journey through DIQ, invested your heart, soul and money, and once there you are in. By being "in" I mean they have you. What will others think and say about you if you leave. That you didn't have the deserve level to see it through to NSD.

This is where it begins and ends, with the manipulation to bring the unit together to achieve your own personal goals. You have to get large orders to make and keep the car. You have to go to Seminar and the rest of the nonsense to look successful at least in the eyes of your other Directors. Money in some sense becomes irrelevant in MK.

A truly rational person would realize that when they are in debt they have to quit, and probably is the reason most consultants decide to leave. They just aren't making money like they were told and decide that it just isn't for them. But, those who are already in as Directors have a much deeper investment of their self to their detriment. MK knows this, thrives on this, and their job is to keep you aiming for more. MK succeeds in this more than they fail, keeping your chasing a dream that very rarely materializes.

"Emotional growth cannot happen when you are ensnared in that company" - Windycitygal

This is why those of us who are out, now think so so differently from the days we were "in". Mary Kay training programs you to believe that any outsider is negative...so "we" appear negative to any IBC reading. They CAN NOT allow the truthful perspective that we now are free to talk about, to pierce the "pink bubble".

"Cancel,cancel,cancel"...like mind numb robots, thinking they are insulating themselves from the anti-pink dust floating in the air.

If they behaved this way in any other venue, they could see clearly enough how "gone" they really are.

IBC - If what you are doing is so FRAIL...held up by repititious tapes and meetings, and posters, that it can not stand even the slightest scrutiny, then you are working too hard trying to prop up a belief that you secretly know is deceiving you. Your failure to face what you know is a lack of emotional growth, and you have become crippled by starry eyed stories and chants and pretense like a 2 year old who plugs her ears and babbles so as not to hear what she fears most. It is not true. It was never true. It is a pyramid scam that rewards the top dwellers on the resources of the bottom ones. You skim off your measely per centage with hit and miss sales and tell yourself how great it is. Meanwhile your upline HAS ALREADY BEEN PAID as you transfer your wealth, to her.

If we can't reach you with the truth...who can reach you?

Whoops, I didn't mean that any Director or anyone else was not rational, it's just that I feel once the MK manipulation has you, it is difficult to really look at this business the way you normally would. They pound you to death with the success that awaits you once you are a Director. Sorry if it was taken the wrong way.

thinkingpink--I agree...you are right. The Suit is a trap on so many levels. If you attempt to run your Unit with integrity, you will never reach the high heights. It all comes back to sales of the product and the illusion that this actually is profitable.
Telling your unit to reorder only what they have sold soon kills the unit! Having new recruits start smaller to develop confidence and learn inventory management (avoiding overbuys) puts the final nail in your coffin.

Those who you think are selling are usually putting every dime they sell back into MK topping off or securing their car/unit production. Zip for profit.

And leaving the biz, knowing how you will be spoken about, knowing your people just lost their line of defense, and knowing that you contributed to the HAZE they are under, so the betrayal they feel is partly your own doing...all these things you carry as a former Director. Add the shunning, and the fact that you know you cant reach them because they will not hear you...

well. You get the picture.

[quote]Eve wasn't stupid or uneducated, people; her intelligence came straight from her Creator. She did, however, have the very emotional "You'll be like gods!" carrot dangled in front of her, which translates to the "You'll be an NSD!" carrot that's dangled in Mary Kay.[/quote]
wow, i never thought about just how much we are like eve. that's incredible. scrib, you sure do make me think. i don't know if i like it, but i'm sure it's a good thing. heh.

Wow. I really have nothing to add but wanted to say this article is excellent.

[quote]Your significance has nothing to do with a suit you wear, a pin you put on, a special seat you sit upon or which dining room you qualify for. If you were chasing any of that to once and for all, quiet that voice inside your head which says you are not where you need to be, release it. It is a carefully crafted manipulation to hook your wounded soul and extract your money, resources, time and talent. It is the M.O. of the multi-levels, all portrayed to be such motivational harmless fun. [/quote]
That pretty much sums it up perfectly.

Well put Raisin! When I had finally decided to go for Directorship, it was blinders on and go. Largly in part, I wanted out of my current unit and to not have to deal with my current Director. When we became a unit, wow, what a relief, but then (5 seconds later) back to working hard. Did any of you get the line 'you'll never work harder than the time you are in DIQ'? That was fed to me constantly. The reality is, that is so not true! I most definitely worked harder as a Director, my children were small at the time, so time with them was sacrificed a lot. I even had a sister Director tell me to get a nanny/child care help so I could work my business more. (my purpose for even being in MK was so I could stay at home with my children!) Once I got over the initial hump of being a new director, then the constant working for the next Director prize. Prizes from my NSD, prizes from my Sr, then the 'big girl' prizes from the company. Then it came down to just working to keep my suit. (that's pathetic!) The reason I worked to stay a director for so long was, I was the line in the sand to protect my women from my Sr. I felt responsible for them. (that's the mother in me!) But when I made the choice to step away, what a relief. My self worth is no longer tied to my level in MK. As NSD Cathy Bill puts it "my past doesn't equal my future". So here's looking to a much brighter, healthier, happier and successful future!

Another great one Raisin! Thank you.

thanks, Raisin, for showing us another way to think of why we got ensnared in the trap and for validating that we are, indeed, good enough.

This is really an excellent post.

What really bothers me, and wonder about, is the personality type of those in MK that treat other women with such arrogance, manipulation, lies & deceit, and with such little value other than monetary!?

"Emotional growth cannot happen when you are ensnared in that company" - Windycitygal

"Your failure to face what you know is a lack of emotional growth, and you have become crippled by starry eyed stories and chants and pretense like a 2 year old who plugs her ears and babbles so as not to hear"

These are so true. MK lady RM acts like a spoiled child, is arrogant & acts superior to those around her all with a toothy fake mk smile on her face. Its like she never developed emotionally. How do you develop a personality that will say or do anything to someone else because you think you're all that???

It seems like the personality above has to rule over, or attracts the personality type that feels that they have low self-esteem or little value or need for attention.

"...cognitive dissonance - behaviour at odds with beliefs held."

Okay, this is a lot deeper than I'd planned to go on a Wednesday morning, but bear with me, friends!

Back in the 50s, an experiment was done in which people were asked to do eye-glazing tasks that would bore anyone to mush. (You can read about it in Wikipedia under "cognitive dissonance" in which it covers the "boring task experiment".

In short, the people doing the tasks had to convince other people that their "opportunity" was seven shades of awesome. They did this by offering to pay people to take over their task: some $20, some $1, some none.

With me so far? You flat-out rock.

What the observers learned was that people who were paid a buck said that their mind-numbing tasks were more awesome than those who were paid $20.

So how does all this tie in with Mary Kay?

The people getting the $20 bill were quick to say the task was awesome because they were getting paid nicely for it. (NSDs, anyone?) But the folks getting just a buck (the MK downline) had little to convince others with, so the only person they could to convince was themselves.

That's why you "Fake it until you make it" and build those glowing I-stories, sister. They're crucial in convincing others that the Mary Kay opportunity came straight from God's throne.

Okay, I'm spent. Talk amongst yerselves.

[IMG]http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r73/salem21_2006/splode.gif[/IMG]

This written piece by Raisinberry is excellent and exactly the impression I got of MK Cosmetics. On a different scenario, it reminds me of why teenagers join street gangs in inner cities. Also, reminds me of the mafia, some religions and cults. It is scary, but true.

Excellent article, Raisin! And Scribs--scary info on cognitive dissonance.

Well done sista Raisin.
Two things caught my attention, first the whole idea of never arriving. First it was get your first recruit to get the pin enhancer but you don't have the red jacket. So you earn the red but you are not a team leader, so you do that but you are not in DIQ. You arrive at DIQ and make it to director to find out that you do not drive the caddy. Earn the caddy, you are not a trip director and on and on it goes. I never felt like I accomplished anything in MK because I was always reminded of what I had not done.

Second was you are not the suit your wear or the car you drive. I thought that once I became a director I would feel better about me but I did not. I still felt less than the car drivers and trip earners. The 2 years I was a SD were 2 of the most stressful and depressing years of my life, no lie.

It took stepping down and getting out to realize how depressed and discouraged I had become. My value does not come from the job I hold, the house I live in, the car I drive or my bank account.

Thanks Raisin for reminding me of all of that.

Pursuit of excellence will naturally get you where you want to go, without need of comparing yourself to others, captivated by envy and most certainly without stepping on and over others as you manipulate them into financial destruction.

My favorite part - very thoughtful piece.

Best,
~Char

Good stuff, Raisin. It puts an interesting spin on the DISC personality training. The majority of women have a low personal view of themselves, and MK works to build it up with false inflation, then requires you to maintain that level, then increase it, to maintain that umbilical connection. When you are cut away from, you feel like a child born from the womb too early: terrified and starving.

For me, I crave responsibility. It's what made me a good manager, what makes me a good worker. As a "C," I tend to lean to the less compassionate side of things, but give me responsibility, a task, with clear directions and goals, and I'm off like a shot.

The problem? I followed every task I was given, completed every challenge, did every face, sold every product, etc. But none of it worked out to success. When my ethics were hauled out to be sacrificed to the MK gods, I rebelled. Thus, the door to directorship, and continuing my "business," was closed forever.

DISC is an amazing tool, but as they say: "find a need and fill it." It's exactly what they do in MK. You determine the recruit prospect’s letter in the DISC, then use MK as the panacea for all her current ills.

The manipulation, as a psychological level, is incredible. While I agree with someone recently who said on pink truth: we all make our own decisions, suggesting that no one put a gun to our heads, that denies the inherent responsibility of those who recruited us. Example: physical abuse is easy to point a finger at, but emotional/sexual abuse can be much harder to define. In the same way, every woman who joins Mary Kay has the choice to say no to inventory, no to all the financial expense, etc...but you have an emotional gun put to your head by your SD, your recruiter, your NSD. The pressure is intense, and under that kind of compulsion and the standard rationalization (the product sells itself, 90% buy back, do you wanna be a “wish I woulda” or a “glad I tried it” woman?), refusal is tantamount to filing for divorce.

In the same way I had a choice to leave an abusive husband, I had a choice to leave Mary Kay. However, the decision is incredibly hard to make, as my SD had been so involved in my life up to that point. I'm beginning to understand the horror of that relationship, and how she used it to tie me to her. Was I an open book for her to use, or what?

If the truth ever comes out - and God forbid, all these SDs and NSDs realize the monsters they have become - the blood spilled will overflow any walls Corporate may try to raise to insulate themselves from the fallout. Thank God Pink Truth is still here, or I might still be preparing for the slaughter.

Simply excellent, raisin. Every single word. I especially loved this:

Mary Kaybots used to always say “raise your deserve level”. I think I now can agree with that whole heartedly. The best lies always have a bit of truth to them. You definitely need to raise your deserve level. Raise it so high, that Mary Kay and all the self serving mlm con games can never again stretch high enough to reach you. You were meant for so much more.

Life IS so much better in the "real" world and away from MLM's.

you know, another thought came to my mind today as I was out and about. The bible says to be 'content in all things' meaning, whatever situation you're in, be content. When it changes, be content. What I found in MK to be preached was that we need to create for our potential recruits is discontentment. Discontentment with their current job, current living situation, earning level, or whatever it will take for them to take the step to join. Then once they join, create the illusion of more discontment in their lives. Keep that going at every level so they strive for more, which in turn keeps the upline alive. What a sick and manipulative way to live.

glad I'm done with that! I rather like my life the way it is.

You are more than you have become.


Mufasa speaking to Simba
The Lion King

You are more than what you have become.

Wow, Raisin, I think this is your best piece yet. You have an incredible gift. I love how it got everyone really thinking. I'm sure everyone, from our ex-SDs to the Dead Reds to the PUCS to the "thinking of joining" MKers found truth and enlightenment in your words.

[quote]And leaving the biz, knowing how you will be spoken about, knowing your people just lost their line of defense, and knowing that you contributed to the HAZE they are under, so the betrayal they feel is partly your own doing...all these things you carry as a former Director. Add the shunning, and the fact that you know you cant reach them because they will not hear you...[/quote]
That absolutely gave me goosebumps. Yikes.

Well done, friend!

Unbelievably well-written article, Raisinberry!!!!!

Scrib and Michael Webster: Great points, both of you!

Michael: Let's hear those 10 devices which produce dissonance, and your advise as to responses!

Scribbler writes:

"That's why you "Fake it until you make it" and build those glowing I-stories, sister.

They're crucial in convincing others that the Mary Kay opportunity came straight from God's throne."

There are several different things going on here.

1. Positive psychology research tends to support the thesis that by acting as an X, it is more likely that you will become an X.

2. Cognitive dissonance, on the other hand, suggests if a) you aren't making any money at doing Y, then b) if making money at doing Y is important to your self esteem, you will broadcast the value of doing Y.

I think you might gain some insight reading this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_Prophecy_Fails

oneless...you are right. A organization that portends to be "christian", would never bait its members with riches, personal glory, material things, and most certainly wouldn't do it by creating envy, highlighting others (superstars) and chastising you for not being equal to the task...they would especially not enlist the aid of "I-stories" with testimonials that leave out the truthful but ugly parts, and the "how-to's". We worked SO HARD to find scripture to back up the "abundance" mentality...as do many churches, to assuage our internal senses that suggest all this "crap" attaining riches, are what God wants for us. But the reality is, when you "rightly divide the word of truth" you end up with this gem:

Philippians 4:11- "..I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

"What do you have that was not given to you?"- Paul.

Mary Kay taught us to fight past the humbling hand of God and "make a way". Obstacles were always "satanic".
Remember this one?

"New Level, New Devil!"
Upline influence used every means to make a Director or DIQ, "work until the last second"...with the pressure that they Must "make it happen". The pressure revealed how easily we defer our own values for the sake of the acceptance of peers as well as avoidance of failure.

Mary Kay Corp can claim ignorance...or at least deny any responsibility because every time a woman submitted an order, whether legit or in anothers name, she is the one who is succumbing to "cult think".

How convenient for MKC, that they can stand in the background pointing the finger at their NSD's...who point the finger at their Director's.

michael webster....that article is just sick.

The next time somebody tells me they wouldn't have fallen for it, I will simply reply, you haven't been sufficiently tested.

Michael, that was an interesting (and disturbing) article - thank you for sharing that one!

While I do generally agree with the positive psychology thesis presented, my intent was to express (and I apologize if I failed to be clear) that the whole "Fake it until you make it" behaviors may be necessary because rank-and-file Mary Kay ladies didn't have a $20 bill (big money) to use as justification for their wondrous "opportunity", just that $1 bill. (which represents much lesser money).

Those downline members have to make up for that lack by projecting an illusion of wealth and opulence to potential recruits so that they, too, will be attracted to the opportunity. Dangle shiny things and hope that the magpies will take the bait.

Which PTer recently told the story of how she was instructed to go out with her recruit and buy expensive stuff to show them she was doing well...and then to go back to the store later and return the stuff? That's an excellent example of the idea I meant to convey.

"I would never fall for a recruiter's script"

It's not the smarts, it's because I have a strong selfish streak, and was never into being self-sacrificing except maybe a sacrificial bunt for the softball team.

I'm very concerned about "what's in it for me" and have to be convinced it's going to help me as much as it helps the other person, or at least not harm my well-being.

[quote]It is a carefully crafted manipulation to hook your wounded soul and extract your money, resources, time and talent.[/quote]

The wounds are often inflicted and aggravated during the training, during the meetings, and with every email and phone call.

The message is always "you don't measure up" and the remedy they dangle is "try harder, buy more, run faster".

Raisin, you are gifted!! Thanks for putting my exact thoughts into your message. I can't tell you how many times I've been told to 'suck it up and keep going, if you feel comfortable in life, something is wrong with your business', etc. My NSD always harped on having something in my life to make me uncomfortable (discontent) to make me work harder. How easily we fall, huh.

Keep up the great work ladies, we are making a difference! (without extracting any $$ from anyone!)

Michael,

Liked your example: If Prophesy Fails. Very disconcerting! Sounds like MK all right. The more that an IBC puts into her business, the more she tries to tell herself that there is nothing wrong. She is just imagining it...and her "friends" who are also involved, are grabbed onto emotionally, in order to bolster her deteriorating dream.

Girls, embrace the nightmare, so you can wake up from it, lol!

"Those downline members have to make up for that lack by projecting an illusion of wealth and opulence to potential recruits so that they, too, will be attracted to the opportunity. Dangle shiny things and hope that the magpies will take the bait."

Good point!

See, you don't need to do this ^^^ if it were a real business! :s

[quote]You have too much invested in your unit and in yourself to step down. [/quote]This is where I'm struggling now. Almost done . . .

Raisin - been reading you here at PT for well over 2 years now and this IS one of your best pieces. Bravo!

Thanks for making a whole lot of women feel better about themselves today! Now that's "Enriching Womens Lives"!

What - I know where you are, was there in that exact place for 2 years before I finally made the decision to let go. It's hard. We put all our efforts and energy into building our units, etc., but when you see that it's just not happening, it's a struggle to keep it going, but it's all you know. I was like that for 2 solid years, wondering when I would finally turn the corner and have things change for the better. Honestly, it changed for the better when I let go. A sense of peace surrounded me and I know that it was the right decision. Although, I do have some times of 'sadness', it's mostly when my sd 'friends' find out and their reactions are mostly 'sorry for you'. They either don't get it, or are masking their own insecurities and fears of letting it go.

I'm very happy with the way I'm working now, it's totally in the right priority order, God, Family, Career, and I'm not consumed with 'who's next!' I'm taking it day by day and seeing God's blessings thru it all.

Hang in there, the support here is amazing. We come from all levels of the business and some are still in, while other have chosen to leave completely. Regardless, we are supportive.

I was thinking this morning, as I am privy to a once Caddiyak unit falling a part, that new recruiting has begun & it sickens me to think that these unsuspecting girls/women will be duped into all the usual lies & deceit.

How many times do you think the line about lipsticks/makeup selling itself in this economy will be used

With the internet age, I wish these women would search this MK business scam out before hand.

Yes, I stayed too long in Mary Kay but I don't fall in to the category you describe, Raisin. I got in to MK make a little cash on the side and to get my product for 1/2 off. Once I looked into the opportunity a I decided to make a real business out of it. I did not go in "accepting less or crumbs from the table".

I stayed too long because I believed I could make it and was used to being successful. I saw other successful women making it (although now I know they were faking it). I was a highly successful business woman before entering MK. I worked for a consulting company as a divisional director and was the only woman at my level or higher. I've always succeeded in everything I've done and always moved ahead. Why would MK be any different?

I stayed too long because I continued to think that I had just "not figured it out yet". There was a secret to this business and I would find out what it was, master it and then teach others how to do the same.

During my tenure in MK I had a series of personal crises in my family that slowed me down or took me out of the business temporarily. Each time I "started over" thinking I would make it.

It took a while of stopping and starting but then I began to see the problems in the business. Just before going for DIQ and feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was an unethical business, I stumbled on PT and found out the real truth. That was the end for me.

I do agree with you Raisin that many women get trapped in this business for the reasons you describe in your article (excellent article by the way). I was not one of them but I got trapped just the same.

Raisin
I wish there was a bowing smiley!! That was simply incredible!!

You have a standing ovation over here!!

lighter...I was also among the group you describe. During the course of my life, managed to be promoted over and over...reaching levels normally held by men. Being a driven determined leadership-wired person seems to be normal for those who get sucked into DIQ. Something, however, prevents us from seeing the reality of a situation like MK. I believe those things are deep down. Had you not found PT, you very well may be still pursuing Directorship and levels above, even today.

PT validates the suspicions..and without it,...without any idea that perhaps all this was never true, a woman tends to go on and on against what she sees. That's when you can really see how willing she is to accept "morsels"...or better said, bait.

The first time we all realized we were not told the truth...the true conditions of the career path..we should have quit right then and there because their dishonesty was revealed. But we made excuses. And that is a picture of accepting "morsels".

Teri Hatcher wrote a book called Burnt Toast. Although I did not read it, I listened to her discuss this very phenomena and didn't want her daughter to fall for the same thing. I recognized her premise that moms eat the burnt toast and give the good stuff to their kids, hubbies etc. and that behavior follows them into all relationships and even their work. She did not want her daughter to have to eat ANY burnt toast.

I guess we ex-MKers ate a lot of burnt toast, and we are here at PT telling newcomers not to fall for it. That "short term loss for long term gain" garbage that you hear about in MK is the burnt toast we are talking about it. Fact is, if you stay in MK, you're always gonna be eating burnt toast, but then, so too will your family.

Such an excellent article, Raisin.
Thank You.

duped, thank you for that. sincerely. I don't want to offend anyone, but at the same time I realize that each is at different stages of revelation. I Know in my heart of hearts that I would not have extended any other "business" the same acceptance of burnt toast, early in my association with them. By the time my future was uncertain, when MK seemed to be the way out, I was ready to "accept" anything they had to say. I was ready for burnt toast, meatloaf and crispy fries! Your metaphor is absolutely on the money. We LEARN to value ourselves and our needs less when we start having families...and rightly so. And it is that beautiful expression of love and sacrifice that MK perverts and abuses...imo. And we ourselves need to see that we do our daughters an injustice if we model the martyr.

Raisin I agree. [quote]Being a driven determined leadership-wired person seems to be normal for those who get sucked into DIQ.[/quote]
I would have gotten sucked in further if I hadn't found PT when I did. I was driven to achieve and be the best. I was used to achieving but in MK I couldn't figure out why I was at the top but wasn't making any profit.
[quote]PT validates the suspicions..and without it,...without any idea that perhaps all this was never true, a woman tends to go on and on against what she sees.[/quote] When I found PT and started reading I got sick to my stomach. All the quotes I had heard throughout my six years in MK where published here. I was so shocked to find out my SD was using standard MK language (lies) and tactics (manipulation) to push me ahead. It was hard to stomach the truth that I had been duped. It still makes me crazy to think I got caught in this trap because I'm not stupid! I was lied to, manipulated, and used to help my SD and NSD get ahead. I'm no different that other IBCs or SDs . . . I was blind sighted and duped.

When several of us got invited to our first MK "I just want to get to know you lie", I immediately thought how odd it was that the Director never mentioned about the products, colors, skin care etc.

The whole thing was an arrogant bragging spiel about free cars, earrings, trips or a rollup?...blah, blah, materialism.

Oh, & if you sign up and recruit more people, you can win this stupid ugly MK black bag! I immediately told my friends not to do any of it - I didn't want or need that bag!!! Good heavens, she really must have thought very lowly of me to wave such a thing in front of me.

If the products are so great, why the need to focus on what she did? No real business would ever function or remain viable like this.

I'm still to this day, am very very upset with this childish liar. I would love to post more of her horrible character here, but can't for my sake.

outside the pink box...how easy would it be for Mk Corp to "police" unit metings and the particular brand a dogma a national area pushes? I can guarantee your Director would not have gone in for the kill in front of a staff person. How about this? Why couldnt a national EARN her money by actually attending her Directors Unit meetings?

These women get astronomical amounts of money for showing up at hotels and telling the fantasy version of her I story, planning contests, and searching/shopping for prizes. damn ladies..why not earn your money and troubleshoot YOUR OWN NATIONAL AREAS for some of the over the top behavior of your "directors". Corp can do the same with Go Give. Why not have an ethics hotline where customers as well as consultants can call in to report abuses? Hmm?

(Read on the discussion board the latest example of atrosity posted by sens)

Raisin - I so agree! I'm amazed that anyone would pay to hear those phoney baloney stories - seriously

The idea of the
Hotline is fantastic - but honestly, I'm not sure that MK would want to deal with all the calls.

I commend you for all that you have honestly done here!

As I understand it, the Mary Kay sales formula that they "teach" at Harvard (cough, cough) is actually a case study about how Mary Kay Cosmetics rewards (more coughing) their sales force' sales (now near choking) with prizes, and the events in which women can be recognized when they receive their hard won trinkets.

Mary Kay Ash so pathetically needed recognition, she set up the whole business plan banking on the hope that there were other women who also needed their little egos stroked.

Raisonberry, that was excellent,your best article to date. I don't think I could have said it any better.

I know that I am a "pleaser" and "nurturer" I always want to please everyone and take care of everything. I am also the type of person who gets very excited about things and goes with it! I am not shy in the least and would walk up to anyone, anywhere to warm chat, stalk whatever you want to call it to "share this wonderful product wit them" I mean it was simply a gift, yes ladies a gift of self -improvement I was giving them! And really [color=fuchsia]HOW COULD YOU NOT GET EXCITED ABOUT THAT????? [/color]

I look back now and see how I was drawn to MK and how I stayed for so long. The "fake it till you make it" completely appealed to me. I loved the getting all dressed up girly, going to the mall, Starbucks, coffee shops, Seniors Homes, all of my "Woman in Business" networking groups to promote my business. I was movin' and shakin'

Of course I was also giving away product because I felt awful for people, being the mother type, then taking heat from my SD for embezzling from my own company. I ordered more product when I didn't need it, took heck from my hubby. Did the pizza and pizzaz, muffins and make overs all of that. Went to every event, yet I every once in a while I would get a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right. Perhaps it was a comment my SD or NSD made, but I would push it away. Walking away from MK was the hardest decision I made, yet it was the easiest if that makes sense.

People who haven't been in this situation have no idea who it feels to be in it.

Raisin - believe it or not, I think some of the NSDs are starting to figure that out. My area was heavily policed by our NSD. It was the same rah-rah fare we heard every week, but she was regularly in attendance at a meeting or holding events in the area, to ensure that everyone was taught the same drivel, the same scripts, held to the same standards (supposedly). I guess when your paycheck starts to go down, it's up to you to sink or swim. My NSD chose to swim.

ciavyn...while that may be a "good" thing...I guess I am realizing that if your NSd is under the same brain washing delusion that "mk is the best opportunity on earth for women" in its current configuration, all she's done is maybe ferret out the unstable Directors, in favor of the compliant ones. I guess "adjusting" them, if that is what she is doing, is better than nothing.

Lets face it gang...these women we were trained to "idolize" are at best, intellectually limited business?women. If any of them were truly thoughtful, they would have stopped this financial wreckage, knowing full well it would IMPLODE on them. A house of cards ALWAYS FALLS DOWN, but meanwhile you can at least see yourself racing around the edges propping up the same corners over and over until you exhaust yourself and can not prop up enough in time!

This is the ever crumbling Mary Kay marketing plan. The only thing that creates a stable base for them is the product itself! I guess they can thank R&D for saving their butts, because the sales force sure isn't. NSD's are the most ineffective "ceo's" in the company. They change nothing. They improve nothing, They trouble shoot nothing, they take everything except responsibility for the financial destruction of women they formerly pretended to care for. Their pat answer to any issue is what would Mary Kay do...as if it was still 1963.

Blind guides at best, heartless manipulating narcissists at worst.

"Lets face it gang...these women we were trained to "idolize" are at best, intellectually limited business?women."

"Blind guides at best, heartless manipulating narcissists at worst."

Absolutely!

Well said Raisin, well said.

Speaking of the 'idolizing': Can any of you remember your 1st seminar, running all over the place trying to get your picture with the 'top sd's & nsd's'? My sr. would drag me all over the place to get my picture with them so I would be her next super star. I looked at those pictures all the time to remind myself of the feeling I had when I met them. Then I finally figured it out (years later) that you can't live on the emotional high of these events, it's not natural. At some point, you've got to be real with yourself. MK would love to keep everyone in that 'emotional fog', just blindly moving forward, never analyzing actual facts. Sad but true.

[quote]A house of cards ALWAYS FALLS DOWN, but meanwhile you can at least see yourself racing around the edges propping up the same corners over and over until you exhaust yourself and can not prop up enough in time![/quote]I think it's more like the plate spinning acts where you are dashing back and forth getting the wobbling plates back up to speed and trying to get new ones going and catching the ones that fall before they smash.

I am so happy I researched MK before I got sucked in! I actually was comparing MK commission percentage to Avon's and that is how I happened along Pink Truth.

At a womens conference at church I won a "free" facial. The time that woman and I spent together was fun. I didn't buy any product at that time because we couldn't afford it. Then a couple of days later she tells me "I feel so comfortable around you. Could you help me with my practice interview?" (Isn't it the MK way to "offer a sincere compliment" to hook unsuspecting victim..oops I mean potential recruit?) Anyway, she hands me a DVD (Lisa Madson's "Your Future is Now!" I wonder how much my friend spent on it?) and asks me if I could watch it and then we could get together on Tuesday (It was a Sunday morning, so Tuesday would make it the maximum of 48 hours right?). I, being the helpful person that I am, graciously agreed to "help her with her practice interview."

My husband and I watched the video that evening and we were really impressed by it. We started thinking about what we could do with a couple extra $100 a month. (50% commission off of sales right? Sounded like a winning combo to us!) I talked with him at length about it and he said if I wanted to, go for it. I asked him if he thought I could do it and he said if he had the $100 now he would give it to me. (I love my husband He believes in me. ) We agreed that if the practice interview was really a recruiting session, that I would ask lots of questions before making a decision. Oh and of course, pray.

As I prayed about it, I decided to do a little research too. Enter Pink Truth Wow! Was I shocked! I had no idea that MK was MLM. I have been approached by co-workers peddling Quixtar, Melaleuca, etc. And I never fell for their stuff. I almost got sucked in this time.

Anyway, back to where I was...
I was still a little confused. She hadn't told me about the "opportunity" yet, I was supposed to watch the video WHY??? But again, being the nice person I am, I still decided to help her with the practice "innerview"...oops I mean... interview.

Well, today is Tuesday. I am meeting with her later on this evening. I am going to play along and see how scripted it goes. It is just a shame that she couldn't come out and ask me if I was interested. If it is such a WONDERFUL opportunity, why did she have to use manipulation to try to hook me?

Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate all the articles and info you put out there. You saved me from the Kaybots

Just so I clarify...I am going to say NO to the Beauty Agreement So I guess she'll have to find some other victim to round out June's figures!

Good for you Saved! Now you can spend your summertime with your family, not in Dallas

SavedFromPink

Good for you!

"As I prayed about it, I decided to do a little research too"

^Your above statement is absolute Wisdom! I am sooooo happy that you saw the light ahead of time.

[quote]She hadn't told me about the "opportunity" yet, I was supposed to watch the video WHY???[/quote]
because the video was meant as a "soft sell" to make you think that MK is a great idea before she even asks you. she probably didn't want to face outright rejection, so she did it in a roundabout way. too bad it's a more manipulative way too.

Oh I feel so mean...she is coming over in a couple of minutes. She said she would just pop over after she finishes putting on her pantyhose. Oh wait, you have to wear pantyhose to be in MK? Count me out. I haven't worn hose for seven years! LOL

@PinkPhobia: I completely agree. Much more manipulative!

PinkBubblePopper and Outsidethepinkbox: Thanks!

Just finished the "practice interview". What is really sad is she told me that it was for practicing only. I have to admit, it is a pretty non-confrontational way to get a recruit. But alas, I will not be joining the pink ranks. Besides...I really stink at selling and I couldn't even come up with five people I could sell to! LOL.
What is really sad is she is so far into the pink that she doesn't realize what it is and what it takes to reach NSD. I feel sorry for her.

Thanks to everyone who thought that the references to cognitive dissonance were helpful.

There is an excellent book, Mistakes Were Made, but not by Me, which I have written review about - aimed at franchisees, but with applications to MLM.

Your can read the review here:
http://www.bizop.ca/blog2/due-diligence/how-we-justify-foolish-acts-an.html

I've read this site for a long time and somebody's got to say something here that I don't see ever - this business works. I've done it for 18 yrs., first as a single mother up to now as still a single woman, now not needing a day job so I run my business still with no input from anybody, D or otherwise. I have my relationship with the company. that's where my product comes from. I answer to no one and no one bugs me about. I don't go to meetings, haven't in years, I have a team I train, make sure they're plugged in to what they need and we go on down the road with it. I was the star, the unit trainer, the go-to in the unit for all the answers and loved it back then. oh yes, been there-done that with the promos and rewards. don't need it at this point and haven't for years. I have found when I open my mouth I have business. when I don't, I don't. but I choose that. somebody has to say on this site that it's not a dark hole you fall into unless you let yourself, hear me, let yourself go there. I see on this site if anyone has a decent experience half of the posts are kind and respectful of that and the other half cut somebody to shreds, like they do when it comes to anything about the entire MK thing. some of you clearly have major ax-grinding you're perpetuating and I get it - that mission you're on to save the entire world from MK, but hello--it isn't always that black, I know for a fact. maybe I just easily saw through any of the stuff that you rail against long, long ago and I decided there were ways to work the business where it was and is a real business. everything I am, own, lived in 18 yrs. is because of the business and truthfully, it's the coolest thing to do. maybe it's me, but I've never had cancellations, easily recruited anybody I talked to from day one, and actually everyone of my recruits all through the years asked me, and every employer I worked for (legal & corporate) was impressed that I had my own side business and actually from HR hiring to VP bosses have been and now an executive fiance are very impressed. but I live it, look it, exude the best of what it has always been, and should be when it's not - classy. I walked away from job stress three times going home to chill and just turned to my business and supported me and my son with all MK income until I went back for bene's. I never wanted to be a D, and if I ever do want to, I have no illusions about what that'll be like. there is no doubt alot of people here had extremely bad experiences, but here's a news flash - so did I. I just decided there was plenty to salvage, refused to let anything taint it, love my clients who end up being girlfriends, love the quarterly promotions, the product changes, new lines that come out, the prizes I win from the company, and it just gets better and better. I never drank the cool-aid ladies so I'm under no fog. I'm just in love with and always have been what it really is at the core. I'll be on from time to time. somebody has to be a voice from the other side here.