Culture & Manipulation

101 Uses For Old Mary Kay Inventory

Written by PinkPurge

Many of us have (or had) a bunch of inventory that was not selling. Some of us turned it back in, others didn’t know if they should or not. Here are a few of my suggestions for what to do with your product.

1. Basement insulation.
2. Door stops.
3. Construct a “Very MK” room divider.
4. Panhandler offerings. Hey, if you have a basement full of MK, you’re poor too! You’re giving what you can.
5. Booster seats for children.
6. Sofa or table leveler.
7. Build a fort.
8. Apply the worst shades of MK and put on a clown suit. Work children’s parties to pay your MK debts.
9. Donate colors to the local clown college (They’ll go bonkers over the Red Salsa Lipstick)
10. Skeet shooting targets
11. Gift it to the person you got for Secret Santa at work. Don’t reveal who you picked. Ever.
12. Find a lab that wants to test it. Demand the release of their lab animals in exchange.
13. Spray paint it gold and act like you won the Stanley Cup of MK trophies. Fake it ‘til you make it!
14. Keep items in your purse and offer it to anyone that warm chatters you.
15. Make an artistic creation on canvas with every lipstick and gloss color and sell it to a Mary Kay Director. Tell her you love lips more than she does to see if it will start an argument.
16. Use large products as bowling pins.
17. Lawn art. If you already own lawn art, give your pink flamingos a makeover.
18. Make address labels with MK Corp’s address on it and write “return to sender” on the box. Stick it in the nearest mail drop.
19. If you see a Kaybot lurking at the mall, scream “I have Free Mary Kay product” and steal all her potential victims.
20. People driving too fast by your house? Build a speed bump with everything but the eye make-up remover. They’ll slow down next time, as it took forever to get the liquid eyeliner off their car.
21. Leave one product on your neighbor’s doorstep each day with a note that says “From the Kay Fairy – you have been such a good boy!!!”. Watch inconspicuously from the safety of your home and snicker at his reaction.
22. Offer a “pet facial day” in your neighborhood. Dogs and cats wrinkle under their fur, you know. “I am SOOOO glad Sparky could make it out today! I’ve got something that will take care of those rough paws in no time!”
23. Give it to your husband to throw at the TV during football season.
24. Hey kids, it’s Show and Tell with a successful ending! Your kids can tell how they lost their mom to the pink fog, and then got her back. Bonus points if your kids pass around pink kool-aid as a visual.
25. Have a MK product stacking contest. The highest tower wins.
26. Run out of pens? Use an eyeliner to write your checks.
27. Keep it in the back of your car for extra weight during inclement weather.
28. Put the entire lot on Craig’s List with the title: “TAKE MY S**T, PLEASE!” (I have tried this and it didn’t work).
29. Burn it. If nothing happens, throw water on it. Bonus points if it screams “”You cursed brat. Look what you’ve done. I’m melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness.” Double bonus points if this stunt involves flying monkeys wearing “Pearls of Sharing.”
30. BBQ it. See if it’s better with grilled onions or ketchup. Take notes and send to MK Corporate with a request that they start selling French fries under section 2.
31. If you can’t build a pyramid of recruits, try a product pyramid.
32. Put it under your pillow and hope the Tooth Fairy comes for a visit.
33. Retire the stress balls. Instead, squeeze as many bottles of product until a) you feel better or b) the bottle explodes. (This is a recommended outdoor activity).
34. Cut the tops off the empty containers that exploded in #32 and place them outside as rain catchers to water your plants. Remember, you are in MK debt and anything you can do to cut down on bills is good.
35. Melt down the plastic containers and make costume jewelry. Sell it to the Sales Director to give to her unit.
36. String the caps together and make your OWN star consultant necklace. Bonus points for matching tiara.
37. Place products around shrubs during the winter months to protect roots from freezing temperatures.
38. Ask Girl Scouts if they can sell your inventory “under the cookie table.” Face it, it will sell fast. Those cute little Brownies are just too cute to say no to (and they know this).
39. Stick a “Mary Kay Sucks” note on each product and leave them in public places everywhere. Recommended business builder: Translate your message to kaybot-speak: “MARY KAY SOOOOO SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
40. Save the empty eye shadow boxes for your cats to bat around the house (I have it on high authority that they dig these).
41. Take it all to the driving range. “Fore!”
42. Combine moisturizer, night solution, and peach lipstick in a sauce pan. Voila, sauce for that stupid rubber chicken you had to hold at meetings.
43. Develop a model of a Kaybot. Blonde fake hair extensions are essential for your invention. Otherwise people may confuse it with your regular run-of-the-mill pile-o-crap.
44. Stand outside Mary Kay meetings and monitor everyone shoes. If you see open toed shoes, stop the consultant and say “let me handle that for you!” while stuffing the toe of her shoe with product to convert her shoes to closed toed. She WILL thank you for saving her from holding the rubber chicken.
45. Place the Private Spa Collection in your first aid kit. Re-label them as “smelling salts.” (P U)
46. Find a Pink Caddy and surround it with your inventory. Explain to the driver (note I did not say “owner”) that you are peacefully protesting “in the name of good fashion sense.”
47. Work on your posture. Balance the color palate compact on your head and walk proudly around the block without it falling off your head.
48. Host a swap meet at your house. Maybe you can trade it for some other stuff you don’t really want that will take up less room.
49. Tile your floors with it.
50. Make a mosaic out of your samples.
51. Develop new time saving products for MK’s Research and Development department to try out. My current experiment is the Mint Bliss pedicure set with an all-in-one soak, exfoliate, massage, rinse, dry, moisturize, cuticle care, and polish (base, color, and top) in it. What can YOU come up with?
52. If the above mentioned chemistry isn’t your forte, try design. Buy a box of crayons and “update” your MK packaging. They change it every week, so the odds of your design being selected are better than the odds that you’ll ever make a million dollars selling MK.
53. Find the closest National Director to your house. Drop off your inventory in a Moses basket with a note saying “Please take care of your dear commission baby. We are bankrupt and you can give it a better life than we can.” (Screech your tires upon exit)
54. If you cannot muster up the guts to tell your Sales Director you have had it, this idea may be for you. Take all of your MK items out of their boxes, hot glue googly eyes, pipe cleaner arms, and felt feet on each product. Give every product a name. Bonus points for felt clothing. Have your husband invite your Sales Director over telling her he’s “worried about you.” During her visit, sit in the corner talking to your “MK Friiiiiiiends.” Twitch your left eye at the sound of her voice. It won’t take her long to realize you’ve lost it and that you have nothing more to offer her.
55. Choose a sturdy MK bottle. Put a message in it and throw it in the sea. Bonus points it someone in Nigeria finds it, takes a photo of illegal MK store fronts, and sends it back.
56. Make a suit of armor out of the bottles for your Halloween costume.
57. Test the buoyancy of each product by tossing in your Sales Director’s fancy pool.
58. Roll product in glue and sprinkle glitter on it. Hooray! Christmas tree ornaments.
59. Create a Mary Kay house of horror for Halloween. Step 1 of 1: Put product on porch. That’s scary enough for all who dare to come trick-or-treat, no need to overdo it.
60. If you don’t care about getting egged, hand it out as trick-or-treats.
61. Dig a hole in your yard and bury it. Tell your husband it’s a MK time capsule. Don’t bother to dig it up and take it with you if you move.
62. Leave your products out for Santa Claus instead of milk and cookies. Tell him all you want for Christmas is your self respect back.
63. Divide your products up into gift packs for the divorced MK women who drove their husbands away in MK style. Deliver gift packs on Valentine’s day signed “Happy Valentine’s Day! Can I interest you in more denial cream?”
64. Load it into the trunk of your car on a hot day to see if you can get the lipstick to liquefy.
65. Make a pretty pink dart board. Use the eye primer as darts. The bull’s-eye can be a photo of the MK Lady of your choice.
66. Get a catapult (caddypult). Need I say more?
67. Ship it back to the company, but glue it all together in a big brick. Does there need to be a reason?
68. So what if some people export it illegally. You can do better! Find an export company and be the first to send yours to the moon. So THERE,
69. Donate all spinnable bottles to 13 year-olds everywhere. “Go-Give” them the opportunity to get their first kiss.
70. Take your inventory to Niagara Falls. Send it over in a barrel.
71. Take your inventory to the mall in a red wagon and offer every hot woman you see a “make under” explaining that you know that she’ll never look as good as she does right now.
72. Make a Mary Kay Lamp base. See if Pottery Barn buys your design.
73. Glue inventory to every inch of wall space to sound proof a room. Test it out by finally screaming “this is a bunch of hooey” like you always wanted to at the Mary Kay meetings but never did. Bonus points if you go back and do it before you quit now that you have practiced.
74. See what products freeze well and use as ice packs. Differently shaped items work well for different bumps and bruises.
75. See what product looks like under a black light.
76. Get really drunk and see if being inebriated impairs your ability to just say no to MK orders. No drunk dialing, ladies. Your relationship is over and it’s time to move on.
77. Make a bunch of kitchy “Mary Kay Ash-trays” out of product packaging and see if they take off like hot cakes on eBay.
78. Glue colored “gem” stones to product boxes and call it a jewelry box. Sell to Sales Directors as a contest prize for her unit members. If she says no, tell her you guarantee her unit will aspire to fill the jewelry box with MORE MORE MORE jewelry. Remember, it’s the best risk-free business building opportunity you have ever seen and you are SOOOOO excited to share it with her….. Don’t take no for an answer and make sure you degrade her subtly so she gives in.
79. Give yourself a reverse make-over. Put eye shadow on your feet and mint bliss lotions in your hair.
80. Do #79, but invite all your friends. Take photos for a $70k makeover binder. Send it to Glo with the following message: “Sales have really dropped. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why!”
81. Guess whose kids will be hunting for MK products in the yard instead of Easter eggs this year?
82. Drop one Jungle eye color in each beer for a very cheery St. Patrick’s Day.
83. Out of bread crumbs to leave for your Hansel and Gretel trail? Use loose powder!
84. See if any of your product has been sitting so long it has grown something foreign.
85. Line up your product like dominoes through your house. Ceremoniously knock it over when you are ready to cut the ties.
86. Set up your faces cases one last time. Don’t ever forget how annoyed you are that you are lining them with environmentally unsound Styrofoam. Remember how unprofessional you felt knowing that a true professional make over requires proper lighting and proper posture.
87. Instead of Roses, throw your products at Rick Springfield during his concert. (Watch Rick bash that MK product on a guitar).
88. #87 also works at Ballet Recitals and Ice Skating competitions.
89. Fill empty product bottles with varying amounts of water. Blow over the tops of them like a flute. If you are creative enough to write a song, perform it on the street for money to pay off your MK bills.
90. Buy some paid programming time to hawk the rest of your inventory. Do it late at night when the pink police are sleeping.
91. Put it in the break room at work with a “free” sign. For whatever reason, free things in the office break room disappear in minutes.
92. Put it in a fruit dehydrator and see what Timewise roll-ups come out like. Bonus points for tasting it.
93. Suck it up and work your booty off to sell the product any way you can, knowing that you’ll soon wake up from your pink nightmare.
94. Take a break from worrying about the MK product pile and read the Mary Kay Sucks Blog.
95. I’ve always wanted to run my MK stuff through my husband’s table saw. I think it would kick ass.
96. Leave some MK on your porch to keep away the door-to-door sales people.
97. Ship your expired products to your director asking her to please handle the hazardous waste disposal fees.
98. Donate your products to a non-profit that can use them.
99. Ask your true friends to come over and box it up and take it away for you. They will be so happy to have you back from the grips of MK that they’ll cartwheel through your front door seconds after you hang up.
100. Box it up and send it back to Mary Kay for a 90% refund if you can. You won’t regret it.
101. If it’s been too long and you can’t send it back, just get rid of it. Consider your losses as money spent to learn some very important life lessons. Cleanse and simplify your life!! Start planning what you’ll do with that extra space you’ll have in your house.

Disclaimer: Anything you do is at your own risk. But if you do any of these, PLEASE tell me how it went. 😉


  1. I’m saving my red jacket to wear on Halloween. Yep. You guessed it. I’m going to be a Mary Kay consultant!!! Complete with BIG teased hair and tons of blue eye shadow, orange lipstick and way too much bronzer. LOL!

    “Run! Its that Mary Kay lady. Eeeeek!!!” as moms everywhere run off into the night….

    (I’ll carry a bottle of Dance To Life perfume instead of mace in case somebody tries to tackle me)

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