Priorities After Mary Kay
Written by Frosty Rose
Life hit me hard last week. You all know the seasons. The ones where you’re holding it all together with duct tape and dry shampoo and wondering how you’ll manage. The ones where you get to the end of the season and wonder how everyone survived.
These seasons suck, and, yay me, I’m not in Mary Kay anymore, so I can say that without having to hold a stuffed skunk for my “stinkin’ thinkin’.” But you know what? There’s always a silver lining to every tough season, and these seasons, for me at least, tend to help me clarify my priorities.
I was young and single when I joined Mary Kay, so God First, Family Second, Career Third didn’t quite resonate with my life yet, but as I grew up, I internalized that mantra. I truly believe that when we live our lives in that order, things work out best, and I thank Mary Kay for teaching me that. (Look at me, being all positive and stuff…)
But while MK gives great lip service to “living life by your priorities,” it’s impossible to live pink and live out these priorities. Let’s look at how God First, Family Second, Career Third plays out in my life today and I think you’ll see what I mean.
God First today means that I can go to my place of worship and be present in the moment. I can sing, pray, listen to the message, and build relationships with the people around me, all without seeking out new women who might want to purchase my products or join my team. I am rarely motivated by self-serving thoughts, and when I am, it rises to the level of generously getting my husband a donut so I have an excuse to get one for myself.
No one dodges down a hallway when they see me coming because they’re afraid that their own worship experience will be marred by a sales pitch. Throughout the week, my prayers are never centered on my work—it’s rare that work gets brought up in my conversations with God, in fact. And I certainly don’t feel the need to give long-winded speeches at work that credit all my success to His grace and mercy (while blinking away a single stage tear carefully designed to not run my mascara). God’s voice rarely comes out of the mouths of my business leaders, and never has anything to do with my next goal at work. (Have y’all ever noticed how often God speaks through nationals? Amazing, isn’t it?? Especially when that voice seems to only talk about selling and recruiting.)
Family Second means that when I am with my family, I am there for them. I am not captive to every ping and ding of my phone, praying (yup, still mixing God and business) for another order or just one more recruit.
I have a J.O.B., and I put in my time there then I go home. The boundaries are clear between the two and I don’t have to work nearly as hard to maintain them. I go on vacations without feeling the need to take business cards (just in case I meet that one sugar-sharp lady that’s going to turn my whole business around) or makeup (to maintain my image at all times). I certainly am not expected to work while I’m on vacation. If my phone rings at some ungodly hour, it’s nearly always family blurring boundaries, almost never work. On the rare occasion that work calls at six am, it’s generally to let me know that we’re operating on a snow delay and I can get a bit more sleep. It’s never my boss telling me she’s out of cleanser and just remembered as she was getting into the shower and could I run some over to her really quick before she has to get ready for work. (Yes, that actually happened, and yes, I fired that customer.)
Family Second means my kids know that they are my priority and that they get my attention and my time. It means I’m physically and mentally there for them, especially for birthdays and milestones. It means I never have to wish them Happy Birthday from the seminar stage, and hope that the message that they’re important to me gets through to their impressionable minds.
It means I never again have to hear, “Use your kids as your reason, not your excuse,” if and when I miss a work event. It means my husband gets to hear everything about all aspects of my life, not just the polished-up version to ensure his continued support. He’s not worried that I’m secretly running up credit card debt to maintain the lie of my business success. And he’s not worried about the toll my pretense is taking on my physical, emotional, and relational health.
Career Third means that I work when I’m at work. It also means that when life hits hard, like it did last week for me, and I show up to work (because I thought home life was handled for a few hours), my supervisor looks me square in the eyes, asks me what the absolute heck I am doing there, and sends me home because family emergencies simply can’t be delegated. It means paid time off to deal with emergencies.
It means a business that doesn’t rely exclusively on the work of one person, and so keeps running when life inevitably happens to that one person. It means a real retirement plan that’s available to everyone, not just the top 0.02% of the “career ladder.” Career third is the ability to create success within the confines of 9-5, to keep that area of life healthy in its own right and not at the expense of successful living in all other areas.
Mary Kay did a great job of teaching me what correct principles of living are. And a horrible job of teaching me how to live them out. At this stage of my journey, I am grateful for both pieces of learning, because now, not only do I know how to steer my life correctly, but I am hyper-aware of when things are getting off track and I can course-correct much more quickly. So, thank you, Mary Kay, for the lessons you didn’t mean to teach.
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Frosty, I hope your problems will be resolved soon in the best way possible ::huggles::
It must be one heck of a relief to be able to focus your energy and spoons where needed without worrying about making production, car copays, Seminar, nagging uplines, or any of that. Being able to take PAID time off from your job when you need to is a wonderful thing. So is being able to count on the support of your family and friends (who won’t ditch you for missing meetings or taking a hiatus) and being able to focus on the kids and whoever else needs you.
I empathize with you, Frosty. Undoing the trauma of MK and the God, Family, Career mantra took me a couple of years. I had to reprogram my entire being — patterns, mannerisms, thought processes — you name it. The month of June is no longer a month of stress and disappointment. I could visit friends and family without feeling pressured. Work stays at work, and I could practice my faith without the side eyes and tsk-tsk from so-called leaders. (While raised in a Christian household, I am not a practicing Christian. My path is more spiritual.) I could go on vacation without constantly checking in on my team and unit, answering calls and emails.
Sure, the last several months of school were held together with copious amounts of caffeine, peanut M&Ms, and no sleep, but like passing a kidney stone, it’s all done. I don’t have to start over again on July 1. I can spend meaningful time with my family and new puppy (we adopted a Frenchie named Oreo on Mother’s Day). Like you, MK taught me many lessons, especially the what-not-to-do ones.
Once I left Mary Kay and deconstructed my experience, it was the separating God and work that hit the hardest. My husband and I pastored a church during my MK years and I was taught to utilize those relationships, and I did. I am so grieved now that each Sunday, I began to look at women as potential customers rather than as my sisters in Christ.
My SD recruited one of my customers and congregants on my behalf (not because I asked – she just did it). That meant that there were two of us at church in the pink fog. I realized the “yuck” factor of both of us ‘preying’ on people and soon separated my two worlds. I let her have the church to sell to and I looked elsewhere. I knew then that there was something not right about mixing church and Mary Kay. I just couldn’t my finger on what it was, but now, I can. And, you described the feeling so well as to the freedom you feel when you stop looking at people in the congregations as targets. Now, my focus is on worship and real relationships. Thank you for sharing.
Amen Frosty! I agree with absolutely everything you said. When I left directorship- these were the mental gymnastics I was dealing with- getting my life prioritized correctly and setting up good boundaries for myself and others. My life today is drastically different than when I was in MK – my style is way more casual/comfortable (PNW!). I rarely wear makeup due to I work from home 3 days a week… what’s the point?! I’m less inclined to talk to people when I am out and about… if I do chat with someone, it’s an honest conversation- not trying to get anything from them. My life is less complicated and I love it this way. I have honest friendships, my family time is protected, my church/worship time is uplifting/genuine and my work is rewarding and beneficial to my family. We are close to being completely debt free- mortgages on 2 properties and all- and it’s exciting! I absolutely LOVE my non-MK life!