Written by The Scribbler

Listen; can you hear it? The pumping beat of a hot mix tape designed to motivate, energize, and get you hopping around on your high heels like a stork trying to do the Lindy Hop.

“Rock you Like A Hurricane?” Uh-uh…no WAY! That song was my prom theme – me being here must be a divine act! In fact, paying off the $1,000 + charges I’m going to accumulate from this event is going to TAKE a divine act. Excuse me, waiter? I’ll have what that director on the floor over there is having.

Seminar is on the horizon! Are you ready? Whatever your answer is, you aren’t TRULY ready until you take a gander at these handy Seminar tips courtesy of NSD Pamela Shaw. She’s absolutely got YOUR needs in mind, young padawan learners; so purge thyself of all uncleanliness and come sit at her feet! Hey, you in the back – remove your close-toed shoes; the place on which you stand is holy ground! Now let’s get it ON!

1. “Stay in company hotels. If the EVENT IS IN YOUR CITY, STILL stay in a Company hotel. Driving back and forth from your home keeps you ½ in the Conference and ½ in your home life and responsibility. There is NO WAY you can have an effective ‘thought shift’ or FULL Experience that way.”

You’re kidding, right? Let’s see here…choices, choices…

– Sleep under a foreign, crowded, and overpriced roof in a sagging hotel bed that everyone from the local Mafia boss to Cinnamon the stripper has done business in.

– Sleep under a familiar, cozy, and best of all, FREE roof in my own comfy bed, where – chances are – any business it has witnessed doesn’t fall under headings listed in the Dallas police blotter.

(Although my director said I needed to throw my husband a bone once in a while to make him LOVE my business…)

2. Attend ALL classes, ALL General Sessions, Individual Education Classes. ALL. You’d be hard pressed to find a Million $ Director or NSD who skipped—ever. Certainly not after she made the decision to grow and advance her organization.

I love how Pam whips out the guilt whammy right off of the bat; the tone reminds me of Ms. Almira Gulch from the “Wizard of Oz”:

“Tsk! Now Sally, you’d best be at every class at Seminar! I’ve never heard of ANY NSD who’s ever skipped – well, certainly not one who’s made the choice to grow her business! (clears throat, sniffles) Now get back outside and bang those erasers together or it’ll be the Dunce cap for you again tomorrow.”

Look, if I paid over $1,000 to get to Seminar, you can darn well bet I am going to spend that time as I please and you should, too! As my momma used to say, “Honey, if she ain’t payin’ your rent, she can howl all she wants – it don’t mean a thing to you.”

So, (ahem) is Pam Shaw paying YOUR way to Seminar? No? Then go see Dallas, for crying out loud! Six Flags is the bomb, the Dallas Museum of Art is relaxing, and come on, does Mary Kay really care whether or not you go to her museum? I guarantee your business and how you run it is the LAST thing on her mind right now!

Part two of this comment involves a bit of medical terminology, so if you were on target to become a medical professional before Mary Kay ripped that dream from your arms and replaced it with the Dream of NSD-dom, you’ll love this. Why, it might even inspire you to pursue that dream once again!

“Headache, tiredness, sore feet, interview, shopping, first time in a great city—never an excuse. If Mary Kay herself attended Seminar with Shingles, I can press through my personal discomfort.”

Okay, add this one to the “Now I Officially Know Too Much” file. Shingles is very contagious and can be passed to anyone who hasn’t had chickenpox, and the open sores one has with shingles makes passing it on pretty easy. NO event on the planet is worth killing yourself over.

Any company that insists that you attend one of their events while disregarding your personal condition and/or needs does NOT have your best interests in mind! For the sake of your roommates and the women who will be seated around you, if you are SICK, you have no business being at Seminar! Stay HOME and do it without a twinge of guilt!!