Finding Our Voices

Mary Kay VoiceWritten by Rachel

One of the worst things that happened to me in Mary Kay was that I lost my voice. I was accustomed to supervisors who answered my questions, and listened to my suggestions and ideas. My SD never had any real answers (although she seemed to try and me feel stupid for asking questions), and tended to dismiss my ideas out of hand, or at best give them a “that’s nice, dear.” When I wanted to discuss real problems and issues, I learned it was taboo to admit that problems even existed. The truth is, nothing I had to say (or at least, nothing honest) got any kind of positive reaction, and too much of what I had to say earned me disapproval.

For years after leaving Mary Kay, I never felt like I could talk to anyone about my time in Mary Kay, or how I felt about the company after having those experiences. To this day, it makes me nervous to talk about.

I was reminded of all this by a discussion on the boards about why we’re often afraid to speak up. In this discussion, our friend EWON (Eyes Wide Open Now) spoke of experiences I shudder to imagine, reminding us about one of the classic hallmarks of the abuser — s/he suppresses the voice of the victim.

I was reminded, too, of how powerful it is to tell our stories. EWON’s story reminded me of more than one person I know who, after years of being treated like a doormat, learned to speak up — but forgot (or didn’t know how) to temper her judgment with kindness. These people are often viewed as cranky, obnoxious, or bitter. The best part of the story was when she got help from friends who were brave enough to speak up — criticizing her with kindness, and helping her to change for the better.

I like to think that’s what we do here at Pink Truth. We speak up and tell our stories — helping others find the voices for their own stories. We correct or challenge people when the things they say seem wrong — because truth is important. Sometimes, after what we’ve been through, we’re hurt, angry, and maybe bitter… PT provides a place for people to voice those feelings (and laugh about it all, too.) And when someone goes too far in her anger and crosses the line, I like to think that we remind her — gently — that grace is rewarding, and forgetting to temper judgment with kindness can be destructive.

PT gives us a nice, safe place to speak out. We’ve accomplished a lot with that. But many of us want to learn to be better at speaking our minds to real people, face to face. Luckily, we get help with our PT friends at finding ways to do that, too.

Helping each other find our voices, and use them effectively is such a big part of what we are at PT. Do you have a MLM story that you haven’t told yet? Bring it to us! Is there someone you need to talk to about it, but you just don’t know how to do it? We can help! Do you just want to find ways to reach out and spread awareness? You’re in a place full of people who’ve been there and done that. We can help you do it, too.

3 Comments

  1. Scrib

    “When I wanted to discuss real problems and issues, I learned it was taboo to admit that problems even existed.”

    I feel that it’s because of this ignorance that the problems infecting Mary Kay culture continue to fester. The NSDs don’t want to hear, for example, that one of their own is teaching others how to lie, or that the husband unawareness program bears the stench of Jezebel, or that the “sales” claims being made are really just totals of how much makeup was ordered by consultants. Bring these and a number of other issues up, and you will be rejected and denounced as a negative heretic.

    You know, since the top leaders within Mary Kay’s system are refusing to address the harder issues, perhaps sharing those issues with those OUTSIDE the system would ultimately get the NSDs to face them in a way that doesn’t involve a chanted Mary Kay Ash quote and the clicking of a “delete/block” button.

  2. ran4fun

    “For years after leaving Mary Kay, I never felt like I could talk to anyone about my time in Mary Kay, or how I felt about the company after having those experiences. To this day, it makes me nervous to talk about.”

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Why don’t people talk about their experiences in any MLMs? Maybe I’m thinking of myself who got sucked into Amway in the late ’70’s. Lost over $1000. Then in the early ’90’s I fell for another MLM. Lost another $1000. To this day I haven’t admitted it to virtually anyone! I think I find it embarrassing to reveal how gullible I was.

    I wish I had spoken up and used my “voice” when my loved one started getting sucked into MK. I think I hoped she would find out for herself, over time, like I did that these are losing “opportunities”. Unfortunately, she’s not seeing it, and the destruction grows.

Comments are closed.