What do Mary Kay sales directors say, and what do they really mean? One of our readers put together this handy list of catch phrases that Mary Kay directors can often be heard spouting.

The directors feed everyone so much nonsense about Mary Kay and how great it is, but every line of every script has an underlying message. Everything a director tells you and/or a potential recruit can be very easily translated into its true meaning within a split second.

Here are some of the most common lines and their actual meanings:

1. You’ve Got to Show Up to Go Up = The more you show, the more money I make.

2. A $3600 wholesale inventory is “profit level” = If you order 3600, I’ll get to keep my car for another month.

3. Mary Kay’s marketing plan is taught at Harvard Business School = I don’t know a darn thing about Harvard’s business curriculum.

4. There are no QUOTAS in Mary Kay = There are quotas within quotas within quotas within quotas everywhere in Mary Kay.

5. Aerodynamically, the bumble bee should not be able to fly, but it does not know that and does so anyway. = Mary Kay Ash never took a biology class.

6. Mary Kay is America’s Best Selling Brand = Mary Kay is America’s number one pyramid scheme and manufacturer of skin irritants.

7. I earned a free car in my short time as a director = They haven’t take the car this month—thank God, now I need you to go out and recruit more women!

8. It’s YOUR BUSINESS, you can do what you want with it. = Mary Kay owns your soul and will police your every move.

9. You make 50% profit on your sales. = Mary Kay Corporation is the only one making a profit in this “business.”

10. The product just flies off the shelf! = I’ve been watching Poltergeist too many times and I’m starting to see things… et tu, pink fog?

11. I need you to do 15 faces in 15 days = RECRUIT like you never recruited before! I am in grave danger of losing my unit, car, suit, and cheap jewelry that came from one of those quarter dispensers!

12. Oh my gosh, I am so excited I think I’m about to burst! = Inside, I’m screaming for my life.

13. I have faith in you = I think you’re gullible enough to fall for this lie.

14. You’ve got to fake it to make it = I’ve been in MK for ten years and all I have to show for it all is enough debt to sink the economy of France.

15. Everyone can hold 2 skin care classes a week! = You need to sacrifice your family, your friends, and yourself so that you can earn me my car and commission checks.

16. Seminar will change your life! = I have NO ONE who is willing to go with me, PLEASE go so I won’t show up alone again and have to face all those stares!

17. Mary Kay is Recession-Proof = Mary Kay is sinking like the Titanic, we need you to sign on to help save the drowning rats!

18. You can start your own business for only $100 = 100 dollars is JUST the beginning of the road to financial ruin…

19. Mary Kay always holds your best interest at heart = Mary Kay always holds the quest of scamming you out of your money at heart.

20. Mary Kay women are very very happy! = We’re all losing big in this scheme and we’re too afraid to show our real feelings of anger and devastation.

What phrases can you add to this list?