A Frustrated Mary Kay Husband
Another Mary Kay husband writes to tell us of the deception, manipulation, and financial impact of his wife’s decision to get involved with the company.
I’ve read through the pink truth website off and on for over a year now but I thought I would toss you an e-mail since I really don’t have anyone else to talk to about “this”.
Two Novembers ago, my wife said that she was interested in joining Mary Kay after she had a couple facials done by someone she knew. Prior to that, we had talked about the fact that Mary Kay is probably a pyramid scheme (in which we both agreed) and I never thought in a million years that she would express ANY interest in it.
I figured, since signing up with a starter kit didn’t really cost that much ($100) and we had recently moved about 3 hours away from our hometown (because of my job), and she was staying home and taking care of our young boys, I thought it would probably wouldn’t be “that bad” for her to get out and do something. I told her I thought it was probably a scam but if she felt comfortable with it, then do it.
Now, I love my wife, but her next move was inconceivably “bad” in my opinion. She tells me a few days later that she purchased $2,700 in inventory. To be honest, I flipped my lid at that point. We are pretty frugal to begin with and she told me after she made the purchase.
Needless to say this has caused a lot of strain on our marriage for the past two years. Since then, I’ve done my research on MLMs. There is so much information out there on YouTube. I totally feel like she was a victim (but she doesn’t see it that way). She truly believes that if it doesn’t sell, it’s her fault and she didn’t follow the system.
It’s been more than two years and the initial credit card purchase of MK inventory has only been paid down only about $500. It seems that the only way that you can really make money is to recruit. Just selling this stuff doesn’t yield a return that is worth it. She managed to get one recruit but that is it.
It’s gotten so bad that I’m not even allow to ask any specific questions about it or she gets SO upset with me immediately. I always argued who gets left holding the bag when it doesn’t sell but she really thinks I just want to make her miserable which is simply not true at all. I want her to be happy and NOT be taken advantage of (and honestly I don’t think she feels like she’s been taken advantage of).
She has completely swallowed the Mary Kay kool-aid and there is no point for me to try to convince her to send the inventory back before the year is up because it will just end up in an argument. I really do feel horrible for making her feel so bad about it but she continues to think it’s such a great thing and I have yet to see anything great about it.
Anymore, I just bit my lip and dread the day that I have to start draining our family finances to pay for something that could have (should have) been avoided to begin with. There are plenty of volunteer jobs out there where you DON’T lose money :).
Anyway, I’m not writing you to ask you to talk to my wife or anything like that. I just thought I could talk with someone that could possibly understand how I feel. Maybe all I need is someone to tell me it’s not that bad and I shouldn’t worry about it because it’s not worth it. Humongous ***SIGH***
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“Maybe all I need is someone to tell me it’s not that bad and I shouldn’t worry about it because it’s not worth it. Humongous ***SIGH***”
Thank you for sharing your story. I have a nice supportive husband. He supported me in my decision but it took me a long time to get out. I imagine it’s such a hard place to be in your shoes. I can’t tell you what you want to hear. For years I was losing money even though I was one of the top “sellers.” This doesn’t get better only worse unfortunately.
“It’s been more than two years and the initial credit card purchase of MK inventory has only been paid down only about $500.”
In your words you haven’t paid off the inventory purchase. This mk stuff is dangerous to your finances and marriage.
I do remember that one husband had a 3rd party involved as a financial planner. They set up financial goals for the next year. They agreed that they would listen to the results and take action according to the results. After that time they realized together that there was no profit to be made and the wife stopped mk. Just understand that they are brainwashing your wife. She’s a smart woman but they have manipulation tactics that they have honed due decades. Part of that includes putting a rift between the spouses. There’s numerous examples of ways to decieve the husband or manipulate him.
I wish you luck because you’re in a tough position. It was hard for me to leave after being there many years. And mk is so good at the brainwashing. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you that you’re wrong and she’s going to make a million dollars in mk like she’s being told. Find a way for her to decide that it’s in both of your best interests to get out. This doesn’t get better only worse.
FYI buddy pink truth saved my sanity. I thought i was going crazy, until I found this site. it confirmed what I was thinking, seeing and hearing. But my partner said I was wrong and being negative . Things have gotten worse since we split, she’s quite her job and only looses more and more money going deeper into the pink fog.
Keep your head up my man, and thank you pink truth!
I think there are some good books about helping a loved one get out of a cult and, let’s face it, Mary Kay is certainly a cult. It’s worse for your wife if she has experienced a little success, like one recruit because there is that little bit of hope, like the gambler at the slot machine that wins just enough to keep going. During my brief time in Mary Kay, due to being directly under a NSD, I had no support or encouragement and was essentially ignored in Mary Kay. Thank God. I saw quickly what a mistake it had been within the first year. The system drains families and uses them to drain their bank accounts, then tosses them aside as so much trash. It does not make women happy. It makes them miserable, stressed and feel ashamed. The FTC needs to stop MLM’s from operating. They are scams and cults. Pure and simple.
Maybe you can get her away from the pink fog, away from the meetings and the people. Reality is kryptonite to the Mary Kay hope. Everyone fails. She just needs to see that it will never be different.
“I totally feel like she was a victim (but she doesn’t see it that way).”
You are also a victim, but you can see it. She is too, but does not see it yet.
The hardest thing for me in talking with MLMers is their inability to understand how the MLM company sees their own reps. The reps are not seen as business owners, and they don’t really even see them as sales reps. They see them as paying customers duped into marketing the product for free, as well as spending their own time, effort and money duping even more folks willing to do the same, all for free.
I am so sorry you are going through this. So long as your wife wants to believe the lie, she will continue believe the lie. My advice is to love her through this, overtly supporting her in everything but Mary Kay. That includes setting a limit on how much time and money she can invest. Consider helping her set up and keep a very detailed ledger (including her time invested). By kindly supporting her in keeping this ledger, she may come around sooner than she would otherwise. Especially if you forecast out some income (and pay-per-hour-invested) goals.
If you are able to set deadlines on these goals, every month it will become harder to ignore just how elusive they are.
“I just bit my lip and dread the day that I have to start draining our family finances to pay for something that could have (should have) been avoided to begin with.”
Things you CAN do: split off the household finances from her personal and MK finances. Check hers and your credit rating and your children’s credit rating (it’s happened that a IBC opens cards in the names of minors), and FREEZE your credit cards and make sure your children’s credit is frozen.
Open a separate account for her Mary Kay stuff, put a few hundred in it and tell her that this is where her sales money should go, and her expenses come from. Either she sinks or floats … she needs to get out there and sell.
I’m sorry she’s in the fog. I drained family finances after becoming a Director whe. I had an off month . Hopefully she will come out of the fog and wake up.
“It’s been more than two years and the initial credit card purchase of MK inventory has only been paid down only about $500.”
In the meantime, she’s been buying even more to meet her “production” quotas. How much is she spending on meetings and events?