Written by BraveAndFree

I’ve been reading the articles on this site for about 2-3 weeks now. Coincidence that it coincides with my return home from Seminar? I don’t think so. I have seen this site for years, read a few things here and there, and was really naive enough to think that this would never happen to me. “My director, my NSD, my other MK friends are nothing like these stories of terrible women,” I would tell myself. But this year….

I’ve been in MK for almost 10 years, but never “worked the business” until the last 4-5 years. I almost earned my first car in January. I almost finished DIQ in January. Then I didn’t. And I thought something was wrong with me. I thought maybe I had focused too much on my girls who weren’t working. Maybe I hadn’t held enough parties. Maybe I didn’t ask for enough help with my 1-year-old. Maybe I do need a housekeeper. So instead of really looking at what was going on, I doubled my efforts and really focused on booking more appointments.

But I wasn’t happy. The money wasn’t rolling in and I was struggling to pay bills. I found myself asking my husband for more and more money because I didn’t have any to put gas in my car, to get a haircut, to go eat lunch with a friend. Of course he was more than happy to give me what I needed, but the burning question was if I’m working so hard why is there not even $25 for a haircut?

And the MK goals? I didn’t really have any. I found myself dreading holding appointments and making booking calls. I wasn’t enthusiastic about my Facebook parties. And I held at least 10 in the last two weeks of June and probably sold about $500. My profit? $200. I went to Dallas in July with just enough money to cover my room at the Omni. My plane ticket went through on a credit card. My Court of Sales ring was “earned” from a loan I took out at the encouragement of my director so I could “finish the goal.”

I cried on the way to the airport because I was leaving my baby and I knew my husband was very unhappy with what I was doing. I cried nearly every day I was in Dallas and I was sick at my stomach the whole time. I knew I didn’t belong there, not because I wasn’t good enough, but because this wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing with my life. Something so amazing as this opportunity isn’t supposed to make me feel depressed, anxious, sick and to be in so much debt that not even sales money can pay it off right?

And the whole Seminar was just crazy. Kali Brigham was bumped down to number 2 director in Ruby because Linda Toupin retired and her daughter inherited her team members. Stacy James was bumped up to number 1 NSD because Cindy Williams retired. How was this any different from waiting for someone to retire from their coveted position in a corporate job? It’s not, but that’s what everyone in MK will have us to believe.

Anyway…August 9th is the day that all my inventory needs to be postmarked by in order to get some of my money back and to terminate my consultant agreement. I have simultaneously felt relieved and at peace yet anxious and afraid. I have cried a lot these last few weeks, and I have felt shame for what I allowed into my life and for blindly accepting the bullsh*t that I was fed. I hate what I let this company almost lead me and my family into, but I am grateful that we are moving forward and closing this very long chapter in our lives. And I say “our” because the time I made for MK was time that I took away from my family. It affected them a lot more than I realized at the time.

I’ll end with this…if you feel that sick, sinking feeling in your gut, listen to it. And all the self-reflection and quiet time that is promoted in MK (but isn’t actually followed)? Actually take it and really look deep inside at what you want, not what you think you want or what someone else has told you that you want. You probably do have a dream for you and your family, but I bet it looks a lot different than the pink dream that you’ve been sold.